starzafandomblog | Entries tagged with fanfiction review

Yeah, I know I said I'd go back and forth between good fic and bad fic. But I figured since I'm getting a little tired of Albel/Fayt fic and I don't see much luck with Suikoden 5 fic (Current obsession), I might as well try something else. The goal: Try to find a decent Albel/Sophia fic.

Sadly, this is a failure too. Really, I should've known, given this author's homophobic attitude, how she put up 'flames' on her profile (Now it's just pairings she liked and story progress), how she flaunted at some people at deviant-art, the fact that she's 15 and writing lemons on a site that doesn't allow them, and... Yeah, I'd try giving her fic the benefit of the doubt.

What is good is that at least it's a bit better than the last one. Just a bit.

Series: Star Ocean 3
Title: Kill the Silence
Author: allmysensesfail
Genre: Romance/Drama/Suspence
Rating: R - NC-17
Warnings: Lime/lemon, some cursing, adult themes
Couple (if applicable): Albel/Sopha, Fayt/Sophia, Cliff/Mirage
Plot: 3/10 - Basically, the story goes like this: Rejection, sex, blackmail!Albel and emo!Sophia, naked stuff, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, more sex, battles, Fayt finding out (o noes!), emo!Sophia, almost sex, jealous fits, boring battles, death of *spoilers*, more sex, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, plot 'thickens', time passes (They spend 3 months in a hotel room!?), emo!reunion, more sex (WHY is this on FF.net???), more obvious foreshadowing, little knowledge of 'age of consent' law and any other laws, cue court room drama music, more emo!Sophia, the official return of *spoilers*, more threats and violence, more sex (Le sigh), death of... urgh, marriage, endage.

Basically, while this plot is original, it's so bizarre, that I can barely make heads or tails of it. The story begins pre game with Sophia walking to Albel's room casually asking him for sex. Later you find out that she asked to have sex with Albel because Fayt rejected her, cue projection, pissy + jealous!Albel, and more off the wall drama.

For a few chapters, that's what it mostly is, a bunch of emo!Sophia moments and lots of sex. Then the story turns post game and our heroes are places on trial because they've broken the UP3, even though up to this point, no one really cared they broke the UP3, let alone if the Federation even exists anymore.

Cue lots of sex and sexual content, a psycho Fayt, a court case that turns up NOT to have anything to do with the UP3 at all, more sex, and happily ever after. Unlike the other Albel/Sophia fic, this story tries to have some sort of plot going alongside the sex scenes, but it turns out to be tacky and the laws themselves not being properly researched.

Sophia IS above the age of having sex, at least in this state. In many parts of the country, the legal age of having sex varies. And you could say that Sophia may have turned 18 in the process of their journey. So the whole 'Albel slept with a minor!' thing would only apply if the legal age was 18, but in many parts of the US, it varies. In fact, outside the US, it can get as low as 12! So in Star Ocean's world, it would probably be likely to have the age of consent fall in the middle, along the lines of 15 or 16.

Plus, Sophia's father AND Fayt's mother are alive, cue paired Fayt and Sophia ending, and while Fayt is above the age of 18, I'm not really sure he could become Sophia's legal guardian, because mainly, he can't support her, he has no job and no income to speak of, even if it was part of the will. Most courts would laugh that a 19 year old wants who has no way to support a young child, wants to be their legal guardian, let alone a 17 year old child.

Let's get into the romance... Or what romance? Seriously, it starts with sex, some plot, more sex, and that's about it. There's little to no build up, very much on Albel's side more than Sophia's, since girls do sometimes do what she did. But even after that, there's just... nothing.

Writers, you cannot write on a pairing that has little to no build-up in canon and expect fans to think that the pairing somehow works in your fic with little build-up.

Writing: 6/10 - Okay, one sentence does NOT equal a paragraph. Neither does two. It's three sentences that make an entire paragraph, save for dialogue, and let me tell you, finding a paragraph in this story is rare save lemon scenes. I'm a paragraph freak myself, where if I see the wall of text, I will skim right by it. But there is no need to make every single sentence into one pargraph.

And people, STOP writing the world like it's a game with talk of 'levels', 'heath bars' and the like.

What IS funny is the paragraphs suddenly appear around chapter 6. Where the lemon scene comes into place. On a site that does NOT allow lemons. By someone who is 15.

There are quite a few spelling and grammar errors, but surprisingly, the lemons are written well. A little too well, compared to the rest of the story, really, which makes me a bit suspicious, mainly because the lemons stick out from some parts of the story all together.

Characterization: 2/10 - Rule one, do NOT let your personal feelings for characters soak into a story.

Example: 'And Peppita, the freaky carnie one, was wriggling and struggling to not get up and dance around like the dumbass she was.' = BIG freaking no no, and this was in Chapter 2 alone!

( Story spoilers )

Negativities: emo!Sophia, horny!Albel, Satan!Fayt, OOC!Cliff, courtroom drama, melodrama

Summary: Albel blackmails Sophia after she came to him with the offer for sex. They then somehow realize their 'truluv' for each other. People find out, get angry, but go defeat *spoilers*. *spoilers* is defeated, now everyone save Nel, Adray, and Peppitta are on trial for breaking the UP3. However, it doesn't even turn out to be that at all, and Albel is now on trial on account for raping Sophia.

Overall: 3.6/10 - Really, I wonder about the lemons, because they're written fairly well compared with the rest of the story. And only during the lemon scene and a bit of the courtroom scene do we see that the author uses paragraphs. The writing isn't too bad in the story, but the plot and characterizations ruin it, for the most part. And the way the romance is handled.

Okay, tomorrow, a good fic, I promise this time. :D

I have one non-LJ friend who apparently likes Albel/Sophia. However, she avoids fanfiction like the black plague. I think I know why.

I should have known what to expect, because everytime an author has a 'couples I hate/characters I hate' on their FF.net profile tend not to write well (Not to mention coming off as immature). And I had a sort of bad dealing with this author. I decided to read her fic anyways, since it seems so popular and has a fair number of reviews.

Lots of review =! good story. Especially when a good half or more are written by the same 3 people who review every chapter.

Series: Star Ocean 3
Title: A Light in the Darkness
Author: Keeki
Genre: Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Some sexual content, some violence, Other Characters (OCs)
Couple (if applicable): Albel/Sophia
Plot: 3/10 - To make a long story short, Albel and Sophia somehow land up on a different world due to her *spoilers*, they run into some problems with a demon ironically called 'Romero', they find out Romero cursed Sophia, they go to put a stop to said demon, emo moments, trials, boring action fights, love pookie moments, more emo, OC deaths, Romero gets Sophia, Albel defeats Romero, everyone thinks Sophia is dead, but lo and behold, love revives her. There's tears, kissy poos, and the end.

Simple, to the point, and still manages steal content from OTHER games/stories. Yeah, you heard me.

First, we have Axel, the red haired guy from Kingdom Hearts 2. Sadly, that's all I know of him since I haven't played Kingdom Hearts 2 (But I have friends who have and the author admits her taking this from KH2), so I can't rant that. Then we have the 'Al Bhed'. I seriously wanted to scream when I saw this. Should I be thankful there was no Al Bhed spoken in this fic?

And of course, there's a village called Kalm.

NEVER take stuff from other games, it's crude and you'll get people mixed up/angry unless you mention it in your notes, which this author mentioned near the END of the chapter where it first appeared. You could've named your 'race' something other than stealing one from FFX. You could've called the village something else. AND you could've named Axel something else.

I don't mind the mythology references and the like, but stealing stuff from other games... no.

Oh, and the 'legend' in the village? I felt like slapping Sophia upside her head because the foreshadowing in this entire story runs like it was written by a fourth grader. You could guess what happens fairly easily before it even happens.

And when you write game fanfic, it's best to avoid it running like a video game. Like simply telling that a character shouted out using a skill, talking about 'levels', and the like. Big no-no.

The romance runs like a teen romance novel. Okay, for some bizarre reason, Albel finds Sophia attractive and wants to bonk her 3 chapters in. Whatever happened to emotional build up? And Sophia, for some reason, wants to cure him of his emo angst. Oh, and there's crying, lots of crying. This is including a guy who pretty much GRINS during a fight and a girl who lost her parents at the age of 12, faced a near death situation, and had to come to terms that she was experimented on. Oh, and another girl who didn't cry a single time in the game either.

Overall, the story was predictable, pointless characters, pointless character deaths and the power of tru luv... the entire thing runs like a teeny romance. And Albel is in his 20's. ~_~

Writing: 3/10 - This is where the pure joy of having either having some sort of spelling/grammar processor or better, a beta reader, comes in. Many errors in the story could've easily been found by running this thing through MS word. There is no excuse for not running your fic through a simple spelling/grammar editor. If you don't have MS word, here and here. There is really no excuse for this, and both these sites were off of google, I got over a million sites for spelling and grammar checkers, it takes a total of 5 seconds, tops.

But even with that, there are still many errors that only a beta reader would be able to catch.

The author also has a thing against of putting periods and commas after someone speaks:

Example: Peppita walked up to Fayt, “I hope you find then soon” she said and smiled at him.
Correct sentence: Peppita walked up to Fayt. “I hope you['ll] find the[m] soon,” she said and smiled at him.

And the writing is as boring as that. Tons of Noun-Verb sentences, lots of telling instead of showing, and really akward sentences like, 'Albel quickly scrambled off of her and glared at her evilly, like he was going to slice her up like a thanksgiving turkey.' You don't even need to put the 'like' part in, not to mention the lack of capitalization.

Another example: 'She opened the closet and found some simple stitched sleeping shirts. She took out a medium sized one and put it on, it was a little too big , and one side kept falling off her shoulder.' The 'too big' could be eliminated all together in place of a description of how it's too big.

The entire story runs like this that I found myself skimming parts and had to stop and go back and reread it, only to have the same thing happening again.

The author tries to foreshadow some stuff, like hinting on who the dragon is, but it's seriously so obvious that anyone would pick up on it. And the locket idea, a reviewer apparently guessed what would happen several chapters before it happened. That's usually not a good sign either.

And the weeping. Oh, the weeping!

This is a story that really needs a heavy beta-read through. Or an entire re-write. I'd vote the second.

The reason why it doesn't get a 0 is that at least it looks like it was written with some form of coherency. And the trials were well thought of, although considering how the story runs and how she took stuff from other games, I wonder...

Characterization: 2/10 - URGH!

( Spoilers for the fic )

Negativities: Teeny bop romance, OOC!just about everyone, poor writing, missing commas/periods, stealing from other games, OCs with 'oh so tragic' pasts, boo-fucking-hoo weeping

Summary: Albel and Sophia get 'teleported' to another planet, along the way, they have to deal with a demon and realize their 'truluv' for each other, even though they have never really spoken too deeply before this story!

Overall: 2.6/10 - I tried so not to be snarky here, but after I finally finished this story and starting writing this review, I gave up and embraced part of my snarky side. Unless you want to torture yourself, stay away from this fic.

Here's some Albel introspective~!

Series: Star Ocean 3
Title: Hollow
Author: Iggy Lovechild
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied male slash
Couple (if applicable): Albel/Fayt
Plot: NA - Er, there's no real plot, it's more of a character introspective. So this category sort of doesn't apply here.
Writing: 8/10 - There's a few typos and sentences that should've ended but didn't, but overall, it's well written. The flow of the fic is done fairly well.
Characterization: 8/10 - Albel introspectives aren't rare. GOOD Albel introspectives are, however. The author manages to cover how Albel feels about Fayt, both in general, and then leading up to the romantical ties. The only problem with this is that this concept has been done a few times before, so if you're looking for something new, you may not find it here. But if you're looking for a different outlook from Albel's PoV, it may be worth your wild to take a look at this fic.
Negativities: Unless you're looking for something original, none
Summary: First person PoV Albel interspective piece that focuses on his relationship with Fayt using in game events.
Overall: 8/10 - A short introspective, what can I say? If you like Albel/Fayt and like pieces from Albel's PoV, you should give this fic a shot.

I wasn't really going to post this review until the story was finished and give it the benefit of the doubt, but I think I need to. I really don't want to label this story as 'badfic' either, because the writing is absolutely wonderful. The problem is that it suffers from horrible characterization and plot.

Series: Final Fantasy VI
Title: Not With a Whimper (Prequel: Sins of the Past)
Author: Snow Duchess
Genre: Drama/AU
Rating: R - NC-17
Warnings: Lots of violence, rape, sex scenes, and Mary Sue!Celes
Couple (if applicable): Locke/Celes, Leo/Celes, minor Leo/Terra, and other various pairings
Plot: 5/10 - Okay, let's face it, this entire thing is pretty much AU with some of the game's actual canon that mainly revolves around Celes. The author never says this, but really, some events were changed and thrown out that you cannot label this story as a FF novelization just from Celes' PoV.

The big problem? It revolves around Celes too much. And it changes canon. Okay, it changes a LOT of canon. The story tries to be overly serious, and by doing that, it eliminates some of the humor elements, like Ultros at the Opera house and skimming through certain key events or completely throwing them out the window. Which is why I have to wonder why the author didn't label this an AU storyline starting with Sins.

The author tries to detail Celes' background and takes that background info and creates a sort of alternate line by using the events that happen in the game. Sadly, they don't mesh well, and I'll get to that later.

And let me tell you, I'm a huge Celes fan and I cringed while reading both stories. I could never put my finger on why until a bit later into the second story. I'll get to that in a bit.

Writing: 9/10 - There's nothing wrong with the writing. In fact, it's one of the better written fics in the FF.net section and puts a lot of them to shame. The flow is spot on and there's hardly any sort of error in the fic. Really, this is where the fic shines the most. The problem is that it suffers in the other two categories.

Characterization: 2/10 - This is where the problem is. I always thought something was wrong with the fic, but couldn't put my finger on it. I got through Sins fine. When I hit Whimper, I finally realized what was bugging me.

Celes turned into a big Mary Sue.

( Spoilers for most of the story )

Negativities: Mary Sue!Celes, pointless rape

Summary: A somewhat retelling of the FF6 story that focuses around Celes. The first story gives background info on from the time she was born to the time she is branded a traitor and held in South Figaro. The second story proceeds from then to all the way to the end of the game. The story is AUish, but not labeled that.

The events don't follow 100% of the canon line, so you may see something that did not happen in the game happen in the story or the event happened, but it's done differently in the story.

Overall: 5.3/10 - Sadly, the entire story suffers from Mary sue sydrome along with skipping details, changing important key elements, or eliminating details all together. I don't mind changing events in the story, but the problem is the events were changed that suffered from the Mary sue sydrome. Mainly, it suffers from the horrible characterization of Celes, which pretty much kills the fic since this is supposed to be a story about her. And this is coming from someone who loves Celes to death. In this fic, I couldn't stand her at all.

*Casts Rez on this journal*

I think what I do is hop back and forth with good and bad fic. We'll start out with a good fic for a change. :X

Series: Suikoden V
Title: Between Night and Day
Author: endergabriel
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers of the Royal Family and Queen's Knight's past
Couple (if applicable): Slight Prince/Miakis, future hinted Prince/Lyon
Plot: 10/10 - I was so dying to see some familial fic or something about the Queen's Knights when I finished Suikoden 5 and here we go with this story. The author manages to fill in the holes and develop the relationships very well, especially the third story between the Prince and the Princess.
Writing: 10/10 - Very few errors exist, if they even do, in this story. The flow is spot on.
Characterization: 10/10 - Beautiful. I really loved the change Lym went through and how she changed her view about her brother. I also loved the characterization of Miakis here, which is probably a fairly hard character to write for.
Negativities: None, unless you don't like reading about the Royal Family.
Summary: Short stories that take events from the game and flesh them out a bit more. The first one is when Lyon first comes to live at the palace, the second one involves Lordlake and a certain pair trying to sneak off, and the last 3 part one is how Lym changes her views about her brother.

Overall: 10/10 - I truly love the works that I've read by this author. The author promises more stories, and I really hope so. If you're looking for fics that revolve around the Royal Family and the Queen's Knights, this story is worth checking out, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Because I'm bored... I'll actually update! *Gasps*

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Flowers for Hisoka
Author: Child of Magick
Genre: General/Romance?
Rating: It's rated G, but I think it's at least PG-13, mainly due to slash.
Warnings: Badly done fluff. @_@;; Look out for a woman who gets in the way of Hisoka's 'tru luv' and of course, he gets jealous!
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Plot: - 5/10 Overdone, really. The title really says it all. There's some plot, Hisoka misunderstands something, but it all comes out nice and fluffy in the end!

It's boring, and parts don't make sense. Apparently, the OC, Quinn, was in love with Tsuzuki, but he ran off with an 'Evil Witch' and became a low class warlock. Gah?

Honestly, the story would've been better off without Quinn. It just seems like an odd fantasy reference throw in the story, with really no point.

It's also overdone. Somehow, Hisoka gets jealous but hides it. In the end, it's a misunderstanding and Hisoka flies into Tsuzuki's arms. Literally, in this story.

Writing: 7/10 - Well, the writing isn't bad. But it has it's share of errors. I'm not even 100% sure that I inteperted the entire 'Witch/Warlock' thing correctly, because the sentence itself doesn't make too much sense.

Characterization: 4/10 - Hisoka suffers a lot of OOCness in here. Let's see... Tsuzuki gives Hisoka a sappy love confession, Hisoka gives his own, with tears in his eyes... He gets jealous over another girl and misunderstands a situation...

I think we have fanon cliches numbered down here!

Negativities: Um, OOCness, and a pointless OC

Summary: We start off with Hisoka getting a note from Tsuzuki. Cue flashback of a VERY sappy love confession. As

wolfpilot06 told me over AIM, Hisoka would NOT fly into Tsuzuki's arms, tears streaming down his face, admitting that he loved him.

*Gags* After, Hisoka starts to doubt Tsuzuki's words. Let me tell you, an important thing in a relationship is trust, and I think Hisoka would trust his partner, especially if Tsuzuki told him he loved him.

Then we get introduced to Quinn, a young witch who's been friend's with Tsuzuki for a long time. Apparently, she helped them out with a fight and was injured and in the hospital.

On Hisoka's way to visit her, he notices Tsuzuki buying flowers, his favorite kind. Of course, he thinks Tsuzuki is buying these flowers for Quinn. Cue Hisoka angst.

In the end, you find out that Tsuzuki bought the flowers for Hisoka and not for Quinn.

So, overall, Quinn serves no purpose in this story, only to cause angst. Overdone angst. :(

Overall - 5.3/10 - It's not the worst story I've come across in the fandom. But it could use some improvements. It's not something I would recommend unless you're desperate for fluff. I'll give brownie points for the writer to incooperate some fantasy theme into the story, but that's it.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: The Gift
Author: Fish1
Genre: Angst/Romance/AU
Rating: R
Warnings: Lime, AU, a bit of violence
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka, implied Saki/Tsuzuki
Plot: 9/10 - It's actually refreshing to see an AU that's not overdone. This one is one of those plots that you haven't seen before and it works wonderfully here.
Writing: 9/10 - I don't think I see any errors that scream out to me, besides a few comma splices. The writing flows and it's not jumbled and confusing.
Characterization: 8/10 - It's an AU, it's not totally in character, and it's excusable. But it's not so bad where you can't tell characters from one another.
Negativities: None that I know of.
Summary: Tsuzuki gets a job at a mental institution and meets a certain green eyed youth. Both their lives change after this meeting and both learn what exactly 'love' is. I can't say any more without spoiling.
Overall - 8.6/10 - Definitely a story worth reading. Sadly, it isn't done yet. :/ But it's definitely worth a read, even not finished.

MONTHS without updating.... Jesus. >.>

Well, I got two YnM reviews coming up, one good, one bad.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Promise
Author: apocalipticoblivion
Genre: Romance/Angst (I'd say melodrama too)
Rating: Pg-13
Warnings: Overly melodramatic. Seriously...
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Plot: 5/10 - All right, I like angst like everyone else does. But when you combined it with something that's overly melodramatic, it's a turn off and that's what this fic does. Basically, Tsuzuki starts having a 'nightmare' about Hisoka and the fic shows how he deals with it. It's just... too melodramatic and the dream sequence repeats throughout most of the story.
Writing: 7/10 - The writing isn't terrible. There's a few things that can be brushed up upon, like the overuse of ellipses (I have that problem too. :D) and there are a few sentences that need rewording (Like: "But, Tsuzuki blocked out the image by looking elsewhere than Hisoka's eyes." It should be 'other than', but even that sounds odd), but other than that, it's pretty decent.
Characterization: 3/10 - Tsuzuki suffers from overdrama. Yes, Tsuzuki would probably be really upset over the dream, but he's most likely to hide the fact from everyone, even if it's about Hisoka dying. Hisoka is a bit... too tame in this fanfic too without explaination. As for Tatsumi and Watari... they seem a bit off too, and I highly doubt Tatsumi would let Tsuzuki and Hisoka off from work like he did too.
Negativities: Too melodramatic and runs a bit like a soap opera.
Summary: Basically, Tsuzuki has a dream about Hisoka dying and flips out about it. Eventually, Hisoka picks up on about it and Hisoka comforts Tsuzuki, saying he won't die, etc etc.
Overall - 5/10 - The writing itself isn't bad, but it's not a Tsuzuki/Hisoka fic I would recommend. The melodrama of the fic destroys what could be good writing.

Wow, an entire month without a fucking update. O_o;;

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Dense Like Chocolate Cake
Author: Ice'is Blue
Genre: Fluff and sap. Gotta love that!
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Er, rotting your teeth, I'd say, cause this is really a fluffy and sappy fic. :D
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka, of course
Plot: 8/10 - Eh, there's really no plot to this, honestly. Simple and to the point. Maybe I'm losing my touch with liking sap and fluff, because it's so overdone, but here, it's cute and fuzzy.
Writing: 9/10 - The writing flows very nicely in this fanfic and it's from Tsuzuki's point of view. It's nice, for a change, to see Hisoka, for once, initiating the action.
Characterization: 10/10 - I don't think any of the characters are OOC here, maybe Hisoka, but I like him taking the initiative for once on Tsuzuki. It's interesting and Hisoka's capable of it too.
Negativities: Too fluffy for some people. If you don't like fluff, pointless fluff, you might wanna avoid.
Summary: Basically, Tsuzuki and Hisoka go for a walk, they go into a snack shop, buy some cake and sit down by the lake to eat it and basically, it goes from there.
Overall - 9/10 - Nothing really negative to say about this fic, only that it's fluffy and will give you a toothache afterwards, or maybe a craving for chocolate cake? >.> Definitely worth at least one read for Tsuzuki/Hisoka fans

Wee! ^_^;;

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Colour Me Blue
Author: Breze
Genre: It's under general, but I'd say angst/romance
Rating: R
Warnings: No warnings really, just lots of angst
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Hisoka, Tsuzuki/Tatsumi
Plot: 9/10 - The plot, well, it's not really existant, but it's Hisoka thinking of his 'partnership' with Tsuzuki and realizing that what he feels isn't exactly that. Now throw in Tatsumi into the mix. X_x But instead of fighting like you think... Um, I'm not saying anything more, it SPOILS the fic.
Writing: 9/10 - Few mistakes here and there, but other than that, the emotion in this fic is wonderful. I like the style and the overall emotions being displayed.
Characterization: 10/10 - Honestly, I can see this happening. It's so rare to see a fic with this pairing and in character to boot.... But the characterization is on the mark.
Negativities: None that I can think of unless you're not a fan of a love triangle, but this story really doesn't consist of one or the one that is commonly seen...
Summary: Basically, this takes place after Muraki takes Tsuzuki away. How do Tatsumi and Hisoka react to their failure of protecting the person they care about most?

Overall - 9.3/10 - This is a fic that I think any Hisoka fan should read. Even if you're not a fan of Tat/His, you should REALLY read this, as it's a nice change of pace. Don't expect it to end happily either.

I grace the review section with two fics. :D One I wanted to review for a while, and another, I couldn't turn down! Here's the first one!

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Why you should never kick Muraki in the balls *Just stares at the title* O_O
Author: Shiozaki
Genre: Angst/romance
Rating: PG-13, but I would say R
Warnings: Um, the title is weird in itself. X_x;; But major angst, warped-ness, and flat out weirdness. This would go under squick, but not cause of the title. >.>
Couple (if applicable): Tsu/His so far, hintings of Oriya/Muraki. (I'm assuming more might turn up)
Plot: 9/10 - The plot in this fic is thus follows so far, Muraki has hit rock bottom in his life and is depressed to the point where he's totally ampathic to the world. He doesn't give a shit, basically, and the only person holding him on his feet is Oriya. That's the for the main plot. We have some wonderful Tsu/His angst as well, as Hisoka getting pissed off and all. I won't say anymore, as it's major spoilers.
Writing: 9/10 - Despite the title, this is very well written piece of work. I don't see any errors in her fic thus far. She has a nice balance of description and dialogue without going insanely overboard in her fic.
Characterization: 8/10 - There probably is a tiniest bit of OOCness, but other than that, not at all. The Tsuzuki-reaction part in her fic bothered me a little bit. It just didn't seem like a reaction I would see. :/ Other than that, it's wonderful. Muraki is in character and we see this entirely different side to him that is not covered in many fanfics, period.
Negativities: Um, this is mainly a Muraki-centric fic, so if you don't like him... >.> And this is Muraki-weirdness, not Muraki being a bitch. >.>
Summary: Basically, it seems Muraki has given up on life and becomes ampathic to the point where he doesn't care if he lives or dies. He has no interest in Tsuzuki and even when the Shinigami confront him directly, they notice the overall air and attitude that was different from the doctor. What exactly caused Muraki to end up like this?

Overall - 8.6/10 - Don't be deceived by the title! Despite the title name, this is NOT a humor fic! It's a fairly well written piece of work and is definitely worth a read. I would recommend this fic to everyone. It's still on going too.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: A Wing Short of Flying
Author: kireira
Genre: Drama/Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Muraki being a bitch, NCS, AUish atmosphere, the usual Tsuzuki/Hisoka angst. :D
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Muraki/Hisoka, Muraki/Tsuzuki
Plot: 10/10 - This is a total AU. And it's one of the most excellent AUs I had the chance of stumbling upon. This AU is original in idea and it's just breath taking. I can't say enough about how good the plot is, because it's just THAT good. Obviously, the author thought this out. There are no jumps and leaps and the plot flows smoothly to where it is currently.
Writing: 8/10 - A few errors here and there, but nothing outragous that would want to make you scream. The flow can be a bit off at times, but overall, the flow is right on the dot. There's also a side story in the fic, which is an interesting read.
Characterization: 9/10 - The characters are fairly in character, even though it's an AU. There's tiny OOCness, but it's so small, you won't be able to notice it. But after all, this IS an AU.
Negativities: Nothing, unless you dislike squicky fics and Muraki/Hisoka makes you cringe
Summary: Basically, Tsuzuki, Hisoka and Muraki are alive. Tsuzuki is at Muraki's hospital. He believes he has no reason to exist or to live. But when he makes friends with the doctor's assistant, it changes his life...

That's all I'm going to say, this is a MUST read for fans of these couples or if you're looking for something different. Just read it yourself if you want to know more. ~_^

Overall - 9/10 - DEFINITELY worth a read. One of the rare gems on FF.net. It's something that Tsuzuki/Hisoka fans will enjoy. Even Muraki/Hisoka fans will enjoy this. There's a little Muraki/Tsuzuki too, but it's mainly the first two couples.

Oh, just go READ it man!

If you've visited my journal today, you probably know how I feel about this fic. :P

Pimping here, but

vulchu reviewed this author on

canonfodder, but another story. ^_^;;

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Diary
Author: Aki Rei
Genre: Angst/romance/angst/melodrama/more angst... Um, yeah, a ton of it
Rating: The author says PG-13, but I'd probably start leaning towards R for violence.
Warnings: Ho boy... Tsuzuki going madly insane, Bitch!Hisoka, OOC!Hisoka, me hating Hisoka's guts in this fanfic... >.>
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka, although it seems one sided.
Plot: 7/10 - This story only gets a 7 out of 10 because I love the concept. I think the concept of Tsuzuki going insane and writing down his feelings in a diary is scary and REAL. The prologue is probably the best part in this fanfic. Normally, I don't go for fics where Tsuzuki becomes evil, but here, it's quite possible and I could see him doing this.
Writing: 3/10 - The writing... Eh, it just drops in quality as the story goes on. Typos and the flow of it just doesn't sit too well with me. Plus the choice of words is... um, left to be desirable. It's not enough to impress me.
Characterization: 1/10 - Okay, the only reason this doesn't get a 0 is because Tsuzuki's characterization is understandable. But more than likely, you will not regonize Tsuzuki in this fic. But then again, he went bonkers. >.>

Hisoka is the one who suffers the most. He just... screams, shouts and is VERY hurtful to Tsuzuki that I'm wondering if that's what made Tsuzuki go insane. His character is so unbelievable in this story that I'm wondering if it's Hisoka went insane and not Tsuzuki!

( Some spoilers for Yami no Matsuei ahead )

Negativities: Wildly OOC Hisoka, pointless melodrama and angst
Summary: Oh god...

( Cut for spoilers )

Overall - 3.6/10 - This story has little potentional, but the grossly OOC Hisoka RUINS the fanfic's potentional. Judging from this author's other work, she likes writing angst and melodramatic stories. She also likes butchering Hisoka's character and making him a bitch towards Tsuzuki. It's just so unlike him.

A lovely concept, but totally ruined by the disgusting characterization of probably the only person who would be willing to understand and help Tsuzuki through this while everyone would want to lock him up and deem him mad. Maybe after I finish Heart to Heart, I'll work on this actual concept. It's plausable for it to happen, but it's done poorly in this writer's fanfic.

Current Mood: annoyed

Series: Persona 2: Eternal Punishment + Persona 2: Innocent Sin
Title: Take It On The Other Side
Author: KDash
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG
Warnings: MAJOR spoilers for IS, so if you didn't read the translation to it... And talkings about a character death, light shounen-ai too
Couple (if applicable): Tatsuya/Jun, Tatsuya + Maya
Plot: 8/10 - See, there's a problem when I'm scoring for Persona fanfics. Persona fanfics are RARE and in between, that there's almost NOTHING to judge it by besides the game this time. There's not much to tell either, plotwise, as this is a short story. Tatsuya thinks about what just happened at the end of Eternal Punishment and comes to a few realizations, which is really in character, if you think about it. What I like is how it's reasonable that Tatsuya gets paired up with Jun as well (Cannonly, Tatsuya/Maya is the couple, but if you played IS, you CAN pair up Tatsuya with Jun, which is the popular slash couple). It's done in a realistic and believable manner, which is a high plus.
Writing: 8/10 - Nothing wrong with the writing, although the flow is a tiny bit off. Grammar checked and properly spell checked. The author might want cut down on the 'Noun-verb' sentences to give the story more flavor.
Characterization: 8/10 - We're only focusing around Tatsuya, a little bit of Maya and Jun, with Tatsuya thinking about the others. So there's really not much to tell, characterazation wise. Tatsuya is pretty much in character, although I think he's a bit too angsty and a bit mellowed down compared to the Tatsuya at the end of EP.
Negativities: If you don't like Tatsuya being angsty about the happenings of EP... >.>
Summary: Short. Tatsuya thinks back and comes to a few realizations and conclusions. Saying what he thinks about and all would spoil the story for you.
Overall - 8/10 The story overall is well written. It's a bit on the short side and if you didn't read the translation of Innocent Sin, you're going to be lost in this fic. It's worth a read, especially if you're a Tatsuya/Jun fan.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Dragon Child
Author: Aoi Ryuu
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Rating: PG-13, but possibly R for NCS content and all
Warnings: NCS, Muraki being his typical self, and um... I guess that's it for now.
Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Plot: 9/10 - The plot is VERY well thought out and it's a WONDERFUL change of pace from all the 'high school' AUs we typically see in the Yami section. The AU is where Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Tatsumi and Muraki so far, are thrown into a fantasy environment.

And the author MAKES this work. She places Tsuzuki as a mage, which with his powers, I can easily see him being a magician or some sort of summoner or someone who dabbles in arcane lore. She places Hisoka as a dragon-like boy, which with his personality and all, I can see him as. As for Muraki, well... he fits his role PERFECTLY. Come ON, anyone who watched the anime would know Muraki dabbles in the black arts of some sort. :P

That's the beauty of this piece. And I'm such a sucker for fantasy-like plots so this is an AU that I'll keep my eyes on. ^_^;;

Writing: 9/10 - There's really no errors I can see, maybe a few comma splices here and there and a few typos, but all in all, the writing of this piece flows very nicely without any loopholes or jumps. It doesn't go into so much detail where the reader would want to skim over, she does an excellent job with the character interaction between Tsuzuki and Hisoka, etc etc.

Characterization: 9/10 - The characters are pretty much in character, for the most part. Although Tatsumi as an elf... *giggles like crazy*

Negativities: Hum, if you're not a fantasy fan, you wouldn't like this fic. That's about all the negatives I can give you, honestly. O_o

Summary: It's not done yet. :/ But basically, Tsuzuki is living away on the outskirts of a forest of Elves as a mage. One day, Hisoka comes upon the village and needs Tsuzuki's help. Apparently, he's a dragon and has been cursed by an evil wizard (Guess who? :P), where he cannot shift back to his dragon state (He's stuck as a human). So Tsuzuki has to find a cure to help Hisoka.

Not much for summary, but the story isn't done.

Overall - 9/10 - There's a few errors, but they can be easily overlooked. Basically, it's Final Fantasy meets Yami no Matsuei. :P If you're a fantasy fan on top of a Yami fan, you MUST read this fic. The writer gives the characters different 'classes' and they honestly FIT the characters so far in personality.

You know, I thought I've seen everything. I think this takes the cake, as I dub this the WORST Yami no Matsuei fanfic I've ever had the horror to come across.

I will not be held responsible if you poke your eyes out after this review.

Series: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Forbidden Love

Author: animefanatic

Genre: Tradegy/Romance (NOT Parody)

Rating: PG, probably higher for character death

Warnings: Um, okay, character death, blatent OOC, references to Romeo and Juliet, ebil!Konoe (The author spelt his name wrong. ~_~;;;;;), character abuse to Tatsumi, Watari and Konoe, a jealous other character

Couple (if applicable): Tatsumi/Watari

Plot: 0/10 - The plot is just... awful. Because it makes NO FUDGING SENSE! It's a Tatsumi/Watari story gone BAD. And not only that, but I don't think there's a law that would prevent Shinigami loving each other of the same sex (Besides that, it's okay for them to have male/female relationships but not same sex relationships??? Wtf?). It's possible, but it's done in such a poor manner in this fic that it makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry and not because of the tradegy that's pulled off in this crappy fic.

Writing: 1/10 - The reason why this doesn't get a 0 is because it's readable. It's been at least spelled and grammar checked at the basic level, although there's some bad spellings here and there and comma splices.

Other than that, the flow of the story is off. The author doesn't go into any explaination of why male/male relationships are forbidden, only that they ARE. Description is to the bare minimum, the dialogue is cheesy, corny and flat. The author tells rather than shows. The flow is messy as well... Sigh...

Characterization: 0/10 - None of the characters are regonizable. Tsuzuki and Hisoka, thank the gods, are absent from this piece of filth with the exception of the end of the story. Konoe suffers from blatent character abuse, as I've always viewed him as a kindly father figure. In this story, he's the demon spawn from hades.

Tatsumi and Watari are just... out there. And they manage to get killed TOO easily. If Tatsumi ended up in this situation, he would KICK ASS. He is NOT the type of person to be pushed around. He has power on level of Tsuzuki, come ON! He would try to reason with Konoe and if he STILL didn't listen, and even threatened to KILL him and Watari, then Tatsumi would probably jump and defend himself and Watari, even if that meant he and Watari had to escape Meifu and be on the run. They would NOT get captured so easily.

Negativities: Blatent character abuse of the WORST kind, a stupid jealous OC, evil demon!Konoe, melodramtic plot, a tradegy that seems like a parody... Every single thing you want wrong in a fic, this fic has it, save grammar and spelling.

Summary: HERE we go. Tatsumi and Watari discover their 'twu luv' at Oriya's resturant of ALL places. Apparently, though, it's forbidden for males to fall in love of the same sex, so they need to keep their love affair a 'secret'. And to hide their 'twu luv' affair, Watari gives Tatsumi his 'sex changing potion' which apparently, he finally made, so that it looks like he's dating a woman. Yeah, it's okay for them to have a male/female love affair, but not a male/male one??? RIGHT...

Now we add in Watari's jealous cousin, who finds out about the love affair and blabs his mouth to Konoe, who is pissed off and orders Watari killed. Of course, Tatsumi and Watari are just STANDING there, and crying their eyes out when they're locked away. The day of the execution arrives and Watari is about to be shot, but lo and behold, our melodramtic!Tatsumi takes the bullet for him and DIES! Yeah, that's right folks, dead, caput, meaning for good! One of the most POWERFUL Shinigami in the division dead. And apparently, angsty!Watari can't take it and shoots himself too.

There's your plot. That's it to it. And we have our melodramtic last lines:

On the tombstones, the epitaphs were simply engraved:
"Never was a story of more woe
Than this of Watari and his Tatsumi Seiichiro"

*Pukes* What is this, a bad spinoff of Romeo and Juliet????

Overall - 0/10 I am NOT giving this... thing... the right to points. This is an insult to Tatsumi/Watari fics, it really is. I know there's been a flux of Tatsumi/Watari fanfics but... just ARGH! This is character abuse of the WORST kind. I do like Tatsumi/Watari fanfics but this... is worse than the WORST Tsuzuki/Hisoka fanfic I have EVER came across. I don't think I've ever come across a fic this bad that I actually wanted to print out and BURN.

Character abuse of the WORST kind. I am in pure SHOCK that this fic even EXISTS!

If anyone wants to do a MST on this awful fic, then I would encourage you 100%, because this fic BEGS 'MST me!'

Current Mood: aggravated

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Green Eyed Soul
Author: sayaa
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: PG so far?
Warnings: None that I know of?
Couple (if applicable): None yet, but mild hints of Tsuzuki + Hisoka
Plot: 9/10 - This is a fairly interesting story. And I'm SHOCKED that this person has NOT made their OC a Mary Sue. She talks to Hisoka a LOT, but the way they interact amazes me. The case plot is fairly well thought out and believable.
Writing: 7/10 - And this girl says her native language isn't english. :X Actually, there's a few errors here and there in her fic that I've noticed, but it's FAR from some of the errors I've seen run rampent in other fics. The flow of the story is good and it's well written over all. She might want to get a beta reader though so they can point them out to her.
Characterization: 8/10 - There's a LITTLE OOCness in her fic, but not to the point where it would make you cringe in terror. Hisoka is a bit too sarcastic to me and a bit mellowed out, but then again, if she's writing about the anime, it's fine, as Hisoka seemed pretty mellow in the anime than in the manga.
Negativities: Just a few errors, but other than that, nothing outragious.
Summary: It's a case fic. Tsuzuki and Hisoka go undercover to investigate. But it seems the case is a bit more complicated than it looks. Because it's not finished, I can't give you all a full blown out summary.
Overall - 8/10 - The fic has a few errors, but they're minimal. It's worth a read. The only thing that bugs me is her reaction at the end of her recent chapter. You should write because you WANT to write, not because you don't have a shit load of reviews.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Seven
Author: McLachlan
Genre: General/Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Shounen-ai and confusion to the second power. @_@
Couple (if applicable): Mainly Tatsumi/Watari with Tsuzuki/Hisoka and Muraki/Oriya on the side
Plot: 6/10 - I'll be honest, I didn't like this fic at first. But as I read on with it, I liked the angel concept of it. BUT it confuses the fuck out of me because I know almost NOTHING about the Bible. And we have Mary Sue alerts flashing in this story too. It still confuses me too when I read another chapter.
Writing: 7/10 - The writing is pretty good. It's nothing really special though. But it's not loaded with grammar and spelling mistakes, thank the gods. The problem is probably it doesn't have a real 'flow' to it in my mind. Has to do with the plot really, if you ask me.
Characterization: 4/10 - Um, characters are really OOC here. And then there's the potentional MS. Tatsumi would NOT let some strange girl scream in his face. The others would NOT just stand there and let her do that either. And I don't get what happened exactly in Tatsumi's past with Watari. Find out in the summary. ~_^
Negativities: The plot is confusing as hell. :/ I can't follow it. And add in a potentional MS and Tatsumi's OOCness.. :/
Summary: This has to do with angels really. The concept is interesting but...
( Spoilers for the plotline )

Overall - 5.6/10 - I honestly hate giving this story a low score, because her friend recently died, but still... You can't milk pity out of me like that for me to say your story is good. It's got potentional, but... a LOT of things don't clash together correctly and the flow of it is off.

But VERY good news with this one. :D

Series: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Comfort Comes

Author:

katsue_fox

Genre: PwP lemon, Romance, sap, bit of angst

Rating: NC-17, come ON, it's a lemon

Warnings: Graphic sex, male/male pairing

Couple (if applicable): Tsuzuki/Hisoka

Plot: NA - There's no plot to it. :P She even says it's PwP. >.> So can't score here.

Writing: 10/10 - I cannot find a single error in this fic. The writing is just really beautiful. Katsue mixes in some angst with the sappiness of the couple and she goes into detail.

I've seen some BAD lemons. Lemons that have 'crude' language in it, to the point where it seems like two guys are just 'fucking' each other. And yes, I've seen this in Tsuzuki/Hisoka's case too (Anyone watching the anime/read the manga would know their relationship is deeper than physical attraction. >.>)

However, Katsue's is FAR from that. The wording and the overall mood of the fic fits perfectly. The flow of the writing is perfect and there's no leaps and jumps as in some fics do. She builds up the sex scene fairly well and I'm SHOCKED that this is her first lemon. @_@ It doesn't seem like this is her first lemon. I hope this isn't her last. :P

Characterization: 10/10 - I can safely say that Tsuzuki and Hisoka are totally both in character and I can see them reacting this way after a time (The author says that this takes place long after the manga and anime, so given in time, I can see Hisoka slowly opening up to Tsuzuki after Kyoto).

Maybe I'm biased here, but I can see Hisoka doing the emotional comforting, and Tsuzuki intiating the physical aspect of the relationship. And this is exactly what Katsue did, Hisoka comforting Tsuzuki, being the main emotional support, and Tsuzuki intiates the physical relationship, being the one to take the 'next step', scared, but determined. :P And she does a very good job here.

Negativities: None that I can see. >.> I can't say anything bad about this.

Summary: It's a lemon, duh! Hisoka tries to comfort Tsuzuki after a difficult case, sex ensures. :P That's it. @_@;;

Overall - 10/10 - It has no plot, but come on! If you're a Tsuzuki/Hisoka sucker, this is a fanfic I would HIGHLY recommend anyone to read. The overall feeling and the way this fic is written is something that should not be skipped over. If you're old enough to handle this and don't squirm at the mention of male/male sex, then what are you doing still reading this review!?

Series: Final Fantasy 6

Title: How Love Works

Author: Yasha Clstmk213

Genre: Drama/Action/Adventure/Romance

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Couple (if applicable): Locke and OC

Plot: 1/10 - Er, Christine, the OC, gets kidnapped and Lock (She uses the japanese names) has to save her. Simple and to the point, right? Is there a point to this story... Well no. Who is Christine? She just randomly appears, we have no background info on her either. Where's Celes too? The fandom couple tends to be either Locke/Terra or Locke/Celes. @_@ Who is this Kuja the Terra, how did he end up in here? Who's Garnet!? From FF9? Who's Abigail??? Too many questions that the author doesn't go into... She expects us, the readers, to think of the backstory for her.

BIG no no. We expect the author to give us the beef of the story, not let the readers do it for them. ~_~ The reason why this doesn't get a 0 is because it has SOME sort of point, just not much of a point. It has bare bone minimum.

Writing: 1/10 - Okay, the writing is like... a 7-8 year's old. It's too simple, there's not enough description, period. I didn't give it a 0, because I've seen WORSE. The story isn't formatted right, it's confusing, spelling and grammar are off, there's a Mary Sue, she adds in random references to FF9 (Like Kuja randomly ends up in this story), Celes is absent in this story... Geez, about everything you want wrong in a FF6 fic...

It doesn't get a 0 because it IS readable, but that's about it.

Characterization: 0/10 - None of the characters in this story are in character, of what I KNOW of. Locke just has this random girlfriend that there's absolutely NO background info on. I can't even tell who's WHO. I know Mash is Sabin and all, but... I can't regonize anyone. Period.

It gets a 0 because the characters I DO regonize are OOC. Why would Locke get involved with some strange girl?? Even if you ignore Celes and Terra, the author forgets cannon couple of Locke/Racheal and we all know how crazy he got over her death. ~_~;;; He wouldn't get into a relationship so easily.

Negativities: Um, see above. You could slap other names on this story and not know the difference. You honestly could. Actually, if you don't know the japanese names and feign ingorance on mogs, you couldn't tell this was a FF story.

Summary: Like I said, Locke finds his girlfriend got kidnapped and goes off to rescue her. It's as simple as you can get, the writing is VERY simple too. Easy to read but it looks like a pre-schooler wrote this. ~_~ And it's BAD, not because of the writing, but the overall confusing plot and such.

Overall - .6/10 - Just stay away from this fic. The author claims that she 'gave us imagination' when I told her she needs to go into more detail. She said she added in more description than from the 'original', so I don't even WANT to know what the original looks like. When I said use the english names, she basically blows me off.

I hope she takes the advice I gave her and the other one who reviewed. Btw, she doesn't take annoymous because 'they are too lazy to sign up, I don't want "lazy people" to read the story I wrote that took long time to do it. (I didn't mean that they are really lazy people though) That's why I only accept signed reviews.' Contradicting herself. How does she expect to get reviews then if she won't take all reviews????

This story needs a overhaul and a beta reader desperately. ~_~;;;

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