Another fanfic review
Jun. 15th, 2003 04:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starzafandomblogSeries: Yami no Matsuei
Title: Seven
Author: McLachlan
Genre: General/Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Shounen-ai and confusion to the second power. @_@
Couple (if applicable): Mainly Tatsumi/Watari with Tsuzuki/Hisoka and Muraki/Oriya on the side
Plot: 6/10 - I'll be honest, I didn't like this fic at first. But as I read on with it, I liked the angel concept of it. BUT it confuses the fuck out of me because I know almost NOTHING about the Bible. And we have Mary Sue alerts flashing in this story too. It still confuses me too when I read another chapter.
Writing: 7/10 - The writing is pretty good. It's nothing really special though. But it's not loaded with grammar and spelling mistakes, thank the gods. The problem is probably it doesn't have a real 'flow' to it in my mind. Has to do with the plot really, if you ask me.
Characterization: 4/10 - Um, characters are really OOC here. And then there's the potentional MS. Tatsumi would NOT let some strange girl scream in his face. The others would NOT just stand there and let her do that either. And I don't get what happened exactly in Tatsumi's past with Watari. Find out in the summary. ~_^
Negativities: The plot is confusing as hell. :/ I can't follow it. And add in a potentional MS and Tatsumi's OOCness.. :/
Summary: This has to do with angels really. The concept is interesting but...
From what I read, apparently, Watari was an angel at one time. He ended up falling in love with Tatsumi, who was a mortal and living. It is a forbidden love, as angels can't fall in love with mortals. For some apparent reason, Tatsumi committed suicide and angel!Watari was so distraught that he ended up being reborn as Watari but with his memories wiped.
Apparently, Hisoka was also an angel as well, but reborn. Same with Oriya, but he was Lucifier. Anyone who knows about Lucifier would know that he was a 'fallen angel' basically. That's actually a good concept, considering his relationship with Muraki. :X
Now I don't get it. I figured Tatsumi died LONG before Watari was even born, as Tatsumi was Tsuzuki's partner for a short period of time and was his THIRD partner too. And Tatsumi doesn't seem like the type of person to commit suicide out of the blue. It would have to be a REALLY deep reason.
Overall - 5.6/10 - I honestly hate giving this story a low score, because her friend recently died, but still... You can't milk pity out of me like that for me to say your story is good. It's got potentional, but... a LOT of things don't clash together correctly and the flow of it is off.
Title: Seven
Author: McLachlan
Genre: General/Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Shounen-ai and confusion to the second power. @_@
Couple (if applicable): Mainly Tatsumi/Watari with Tsuzuki/Hisoka and Muraki/Oriya on the side
Plot: 6/10 - I'll be honest, I didn't like this fic at first. But as I read on with it, I liked the angel concept of it. BUT it confuses the fuck out of me because I know almost NOTHING about the Bible. And we have Mary Sue alerts flashing in this story too. It still confuses me too when I read another chapter.
Writing: 7/10 - The writing is pretty good. It's nothing really special though. But it's not loaded with grammar and spelling mistakes, thank the gods. The problem is probably it doesn't have a real 'flow' to it in my mind. Has to do with the plot really, if you ask me.
Characterization: 4/10 - Um, characters are really OOC here. And then there's the potentional MS. Tatsumi would NOT let some strange girl scream in his face. The others would NOT just stand there and let her do that either. And I don't get what happened exactly in Tatsumi's past with Watari. Find out in the summary. ~_^
Negativities: The plot is confusing as hell. :/ I can't follow it. And add in a potentional MS and Tatsumi's OOCness.. :/
Summary: This has to do with angels really. The concept is interesting but...
From what I read, apparently, Watari was an angel at one time. He ended up falling in love with Tatsumi, who was a mortal and living. It is a forbidden love, as angels can't fall in love with mortals. For some apparent reason, Tatsumi committed suicide and angel!Watari was so distraught that he ended up being reborn as Watari but with his memories wiped.
Apparently, Hisoka was also an angel as well, but reborn. Same with Oriya, but he was Lucifier. Anyone who knows about Lucifier would know that he was a 'fallen angel' basically. That's actually a good concept, considering his relationship with Muraki. :X
Now I don't get it. I figured Tatsumi died LONG before Watari was even born, as Tatsumi was Tsuzuki's partner for a short period of time and was his THIRD partner too. And Tatsumi doesn't seem like the type of person to commit suicide out of the blue. It would have to be a REALLY deep reason.
Overall - 5.6/10 - I honestly hate giving this story a low score, because her friend recently died, but still... You can't milk pity out of me like that for me to say your story is good. It's got potentional, but... a LOT of things don't clash together correctly and the flow of it is off.
