Star Ocean 3 fic
Jul. 24th, 2006 01:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starzafandomblogYeah, I know I said I'd go back and forth between good fic and bad fic. But I figured since I'm getting a little tired of Albel/Fayt fic and I don't see much luck with Suikoden 5 fic (Current obsession), I might as well try something else. The goal: Try to find a decent Albel/Sophia fic.
Sadly, this is a failure too. Really, I should've known, given this author's homophobic attitude, how she put up 'flames' on her profile (Now it's just pairings she liked and story progress), how she flaunted at some people at deviant-art, the fact that she's 15 and writing lemons on a site that doesn't allow them, and... Yeah, I'd try giving her fic the benefit of the doubt.
What is good is that at least it's a bit better than the last one. Just a bit.
Series: Star Ocean 3
Title: Kill the Silence
Author: allmysensesfail
Genre: Romance/Drama/Suspence
Rating: R - NC-17
Warnings: Lime/lemon, some cursing, adult themes
Couple (if applicable): Albel/Sopha, Fayt/Sophia, Cliff/Mirage
Plot: 3/10 - Basically, the story goes like this: Rejection, sex, blackmail!Albel and emo!Sophia, naked stuff, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, more sex, battles, Fayt finding out (o noes!), emo!Sophia, almost sex, jealous fits, boring battles, death of *spoilers*, more sex, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, plot 'thickens', time passes (They spend 3 months in a hotel room!?), emo!reunion, more sex (WHY is this on FF.net???), more obvious foreshadowing, little knowledge of 'age of consent' law and any other laws, cue court room drama music, more emo!Sophia, the official return of *spoilers*, more threats and violence, more sex (Le sigh), death of... urgh, marriage, endage.
Basically, while this plot is original, it's so bizarre, that I can barely make heads or tails of it. The story begins pre game with Sophia walking to Albel's room casually asking him for sex. Later you find out that she asked to have sex with Albel because Fayt rejected her, cue projection, pissy + jealous!Albel, and more off the wall drama.
For a few chapters, that's what it mostly is, a bunch of emo!Sophia moments and lots of sex. Then the story turns post game and our heroes are places on trial because they've broken the UP3, even though up to this point, no one really cared they broke the UP3, let alone if the Federation even exists anymore.
Cue lots of sex and sexual content, a psycho Fayt, a court case that turns up NOT to have anything to do with the UP3 at all, more sex, and happily ever after. Unlike the other Albel/Sophia fic, this story tries to have some sort of plot going alongside the sex scenes, but it turns out to be tacky and the laws themselves not being properly researched.
Sophia IS above the age of having sex, at least in this state. In many parts of the country, the legal age of having sex varies. And you could say that Sophia may have turned 18 in the process of their journey. So the whole 'Albel slept with a minor!' thing would only apply if the legal age was 18, but in many parts of the US, it varies. In fact, outside the US, it can get as low as 12! So in Star Ocean's world, it would probably be likely to have the age of consent fall in the middle, along the lines of 15 or 16.
Plus, Sophia's father AND Fayt's mother are alive, cue paired Fayt and Sophia ending, and while Fayt is above the age of 18, I'm not really sure he could become Sophia's legal guardian, because mainly, he can't support her, he has no job and no income to speak of, even if it was part of the will. Most courts would laugh that a 19 year old wants who has no way to support a young child, wants to be their legal guardian, let alone a 17 year old child.
Let's get into the romance... Or what romance? Seriously, it starts with sex, some plot, more sex, and that's about it. There's little to no build up, very much on Albel's side more than Sophia's, since girls do sometimes do what she did. But even after that, there's just... nothing.
Writers, you cannot write on a pairing that has little to no build-up in canon and expect fans to think that the pairing somehow works in your fic with little build-up.
Writing: 6/10 - Okay, one sentence does NOT equal a paragraph. Neither does two. It's three sentences that make an entire paragraph, save for dialogue, and let me tell you, finding a paragraph in this story is rare save lemon scenes. I'm a paragraph freak myself, where if I see the wall of text, I will skim right by it. But there is no need to make every single sentence into one pargraph.
And people, STOP writing the world like it's a game with talk of 'levels', 'heath bars' and the like.
What IS funny is the paragraphs suddenly appear around chapter 6. Where the lemon scene comes into place. On a site that does NOT allow lemons. By someone who is 15.
There are quite a few spelling and grammar errors, but surprisingly, the lemons are written well. A little too well, compared to the rest of the story, really, which makes me a bit suspicious, mainly because the lemons stick out from some parts of the story all together.
Characterization: 2/10 - Rule one, do NOT let your personal feelings for characters soak into a story.
Example: 'And Peppita, the freaky carnie one, was wriggling and struggling to not get up and dance around like the dumbass she was.' = BIG freaking no no, and this was in Chapter 2 alone!
Since when did having premartial sex become like a dirty nasty deed? I'm one of those people who believes in having sex WHEN you're married, but it takes it to a very bad extreme here. Where it is ingrained into your skull that Sophia is a filthy whore because she slept with someone and cue emo angst. LOTS of emo angst.
I wouldn't mind if that's how she felt, because I actually DO know people who feel like that. But it gets to the point where it goes from angst to melodrama, and the melodrama does not feel like Sophia, since she can be a strong person on her own.
And of course, our little Sophia suffers from 'I'm the victim!' sydrome. Urgh. Most of the time, she deserved what she got, and my empathy for her was rock bottom in some parts.
Later, Sophia's character takes a 180 and she is given a backbone. But it's such a sudden turn in a short amount of time. People sometimes change, but she goes from one end to the spectrum to the other. And she tends to go a bit overboard, being downright brass, and not caring all of a sudden that she's having sex with Albel out of marriage.
Let's get into Albel's character now. The blackmail is possible, but the reason given in this story, not really. One thing about Albel's character is that while he's blunt, he's honest. I don't think he would resort to blackmail unless given the circumstances of a situation, mainly because he has some sort of honor. Not only that, blackmailing Sophia in this manner would hurt his relationship with her and everyone else because people WILL eventually find out and his relationship with Fayt would be damaged too.
Oh yeah, get used to horny!Albel too. Because there is a lot of sex in this story.
Next point, the flipping out on Fayt, no way. Albel respects Fayt, my dear fangirls, otherwise, he would NEVER EVER agree to join him and follow his order. He sees Fayt as an equal, not below him.
And suddenly realizing he has feelings for a near complete stranger in such a short period of time??? Did we forget that Albel has a tough enough time expressing himself? He isn't going to suddenly start spewing openly to anyone. A lover =! answer to life's problems.
Oh, and Albel being afraid of an elevator ride and technology in general? Bleh, just bleh. Only a few authors have managed to make something like that work.
And Fayt lashing out at Sophia? Well, yes, she sort of did deserve it. There they are, risking their lives, and she's too busy playing nookie with Albel? Yeah, Fayt had due cause to do what he did, because they could've been hurt AND killed while they're making out.
Oh, but wait, we need more emo!Sophia now, don't we.
Sadly, Maria, Fayt, Cliff, and Mirage still play some role in this mess, and are as mangled as the others.
Let's start with Cliff. Yes, he can be prone to anger. But threaten to do that to Sophia? EVEN doing it because of Fayt or because Mirage was threatened? How about a big fat 'no?' Not only that, Cliff would definitely know something is wrong with Fayt there.
Let's start with Fayt now. Or not!Fayt. You could easily figure what is going on during the Cliff and 'Fayt' arguement, hands down. That plot-twist had to be one of the stupidest reasons to off a character ever. And I wanted to slap the ever-living shit out of the characters for not realizing it sooner. Besides the tard courtroom drama that made some of the shit on the People's Court look good.
Besides that, if Luther did come back, he would not be trying to split up Albel and Sophia's 'truluv' romance, but deleting everything, like he originally wanted. He'd figure out how to use Fayt's powers and probably go on some sort of massive destruction. How easily they take out Fayt/Luther is laughable too along with how Luther gives himself away time after time again.
Negativities: emo!Sophia, horny!Albel, Satan!Fayt, OOC!Cliff, courtroom drama, melodrama
Summary: Albel blackmails Sophia after she came to him with the offer for sex. They then somehow realize their 'truluv' for each other. People find out, get angry, but go defeat *spoilers*. *spoilers* is defeated, now everyone save Nel, Adray, and Peppitta are on trial for breaking the UP3. However, it doesn't even turn out to be that at all, and Albel is now on trial on account for raping Sophia.
Overall: 3.6/10 - Really, I wonder about the lemons, because they're written fairly well compared with the rest of the story. And only during the lemon scene and a bit of the courtroom scene do we see that the author uses paragraphs. The writing isn't too bad in the story, but the plot and characterizations ruin it, for the most part. And the way the romance is handled.
Okay, tomorrow, a good fic, I promise this time. :D
Sadly, this is a failure too. Really, I should've known, given this author's homophobic attitude, how she put up 'flames' on her profile (Now it's just pairings she liked and story progress), how she flaunted at some people at deviant-art, the fact that she's 15 and writing lemons on a site that doesn't allow them, and... Yeah, I'd try giving her fic the benefit of the doubt.
What is good is that at least it's a bit better than the last one. Just a bit.
Series: Star Ocean 3
Title: Kill the Silence
Author: allmysensesfail
Genre: Romance/Drama/Suspence
Rating: R - NC-17
Warnings: Lime/lemon, some cursing, adult themes
Couple (if applicable): Albel/Sopha, Fayt/Sophia, Cliff/Mirage
Plot: 3/10 - Basically, the story goes like this: Rejection, sex, blackmail!Albel and emo!Sophia, naked stuff, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, more sex, battles, Fayt finding out (o noes!), emo!Sophia, almost sex, jealous fits, boring battles, death of *spoilers*, more sex, more blackmail, more emo!Sophia, plot 'thickens', time passes (They spend 3 months in a hotel room!?), emo!reunion, more sex (WHY is this on FF.net???), more obvious foreshadowing, little knowledge of 'age of consent' law and any other laws, cue court room drama music, more emo!Sophia, the official return of *spoilers*, more threats and violence, more sex (Le sigh), death of... urgh, marriage, endage.
Basically, while this plot is original, it's so bizarre, that I can barely make heads or tails of it. The story begins pre game with Sophia walking to Albel's room casually asking him for sex. Later you find out that she asked to have sex with Albel because Fayt rejected her, cue projection, pissy + jealous!Albel, and more off the wall drama.
For a few chapters, that's what it mostly is, a bunch of emo!Sophia moments and lots of sex. Then the story turns post game and our heroes are places on trial because they've broken the UP3, even though up to this point, no one really cared they broke the UP3, let alone if the Federation even exists anymore.
Cue lots of sex and sexual content, a psycho Fayt, a court case that turns up NOT to have anything to do with the UP3 at all, more sex, and happily ever after. Unlike the other Albel/Sophia fic, this story tries to have some sort of plot going alongside the sex scenes, but it turns out to be tacky and the laws themselves not being properly researched.
Sophia IS above the age of having sex, at least in this state. In many parts of the country, the legal age of having sex varies. And you could say that Sophia may have turned 18 in the process of their journey. So the whole 'Albel slept with a minor!' thing would only apply if the legal age was 18, but in many parts of the US, it varies. In fact, outside the US, it can get as low as 12! So in Star Ocean's world, it would probably be likely to have the age of consent fall in the middle, along the lines of 15 or 16.
Plus, Sophia's father AND Fayt's mother are alive, cue paired Fayt and Sophia ending, and while Fayt is above the age of 18, I'm not really sure he could become Sophia's legal guardian, because mainly, he can't support her, he has no job and no income to speak of, even if it was part of the will. Most courts would laugh that a 19 year old wants who has no way to support a young child, wants to be their legal guardian, let alone a 17 year old child.
Let's get into the romance... Or what romance? Seriously, it starts with sex, some plot, more sex, and that's about it. There's little to no build up, very much on Albel's side more than Sophia's, since girls do sometimes do what she did. But even after that, there's just... nothing.
Writers, you cannot write on a pairing that has little to no build-up in canon and expect fans to think that the pairing somehow works in your fic with little build-up.
Writing: 6/10 - Okay, one sentence does NOT equal a paragraph. Neither does two. It's three sentences that make an entire paragraph, save for dialogue, and let me tell you, finding a paragraph in this story is rare save lemon scenes. I'm a paragraph freak myself, where if I see the wall of text, I will skim right by it. But there is no need to make every single sentence into one pargraph.
And people, STOP writing the world like it's a game with talk of 'levels', 'heath bars' and the like.
What IS funny is the paragraphs suddenly appear around chapter 6. Where the lemon scene comes into place. On a site that does NOT allow lemons. By someone who is 15.
There are quite a few spelling and grammar errors, but surprisingly, the lemons are written well. A little too well, compared to the rest of the story, really, which makes me a bit suspicious, mainly because the lemons stick out from some parts of the story all together.
Characterization: 2/10 - Rule one, do NOT let your personal feelings for characters soak into a story.
Example: 'And Peppita, the freaky carnie one, was wriggling and struggling to not get up and dance around like the dumbass she was.' = BIG freaking no no, and this was in Chapter 2 alone!
Since when did having premartial sex become like a dirty nasty deed? I'm one of those people who believes in having sex WHEN you're married, but it takes it to a very bad extreme here. Where it is ingrained into your skull that Sophia is a filthy whore because she slept with someone and cue emo angst. LOTS of emo angst.
I wouldn't mind if that's how she felt, because I actually DO know people who feel like that. But it gets to the point where it goes from angst to melodrama, and the melodrama does not feel like Sophia, since she can be a strong person on her own.
And of course, our little Sophia suffers from 'I'm the victim!' sydrome. Urgh. Most of the time, she deserved what she got, and my empathy for her was rock bottom in some parts.
Later, Sophia's character takes a 180 and she is given a backbone. But it's such a sudden turn in a short amount of time. People sometimes change, but she goes from one end to the spectrum to the other. And she tends to go a bit overboard, being downright brass, and not caring all of a sudden that she's having sex with Albel out of marriage.
Let's get into Albel's character now. The blackmail is possible, but the reason given in this story, not really. One thing about Albel's character is that while he's blunt, he's honest. I don't think he would resort to blackmail unless given the circumstances of a situation, mainly because he has some sort of honor. Not only that, blackmailing Sophia in this manner would hurt his relationship with her and everyone else because people WILL eventually find out and his relationship with Fayt would be damaged too.
Oh yeah, get used to horny!Albel too. Because there is a lot of sex in this story.
Next point, the flipping out on Fayt, no way. Albel respects Fayt, my dear fangirls, otherwise, he would NEVER EVER agree to join him and follow his order. He sees Fayt as an equal, not below him.
And suddenly realizing he has feelings for a near complete stranger in such a short period of time??? Did we forget that Albel has a tough enough time expressing himself? He isn't going to suddenly start spewing openly to anyone. A lover =! answer to life's problems.
Oh, and Albel being afraid of an elevator ride and technology in general? Bleh, just bleh. Only a few authors have managed to make something like that work.
And Fayt lashing out at Sophia? Well, yes, she sort of did deserve it. There they are, risking their lives, and she's too busy playing nookie with Albel? Yeah, Fayt had due cause to do what he did, because they could've been hurt AND killed while they're making out.
Oh, but wait, we need more emo!Sophia now, don't we.
Sadly, Maria, Fayt, Cliff, and Mirage still play some role in this mess, and are as mangled as the others.
Let's start with Cliff. Yes, he can be prone to anger. But threaten to do that to Sophia? EVEN doing it because of Fayt or because Mirage was threatened? How about a big fat 'no?' Not only that, Cliff would definitely know something is wrong with Fayt there.
Let's start with Fayt now. Or not!Fayt. You could easily figure what is going on during the Cliff and 'Fayt' arguement, hands down. That plot-twist had to be one of the stupidest reasons to off a character ever. And I wanted to slap the ever-living shit out of the characters for not realizing it sooner. Besides the tard courtroom drama that made some of the shit on the People's Court look good.
Besides that, if Luther did come back, he would not be trying to split up Albel and Sophia's 'truluv' romance, but deleting everything, like he originally wanted. He'd figure out how to use Fayt's powers and probably go on some sort of massive destruction. How easily they take out Fayt/Luther is laughable too along with how Luther gives himself away time after time again.
Negativities: emo!Sophia, horny!Albel, Satan!Fayt, OOC!Cliff, courtroom drama, melodrama
Summary: Albel blackmails Sophia after she came to him with the offer for sex. They then somehow realize their 'truluv' for each other. People find out, get angry, but go defeat *spoilers*. *spoilers* is defeated, now everyone save Nel, Adray, and Peppitta are on trial for breaking the UP3. However, it doesn't even turn out to be that at all, and Albel is now on trial on account for raping Sophia.
Overall: 3.6/10 - Really, I wonder about the lemons, because they're written fairly well compared with the rest of the story. And only during the lemon scene and a bit of the courtroom scene do we see that the author uses paragraphs. The writing isn't too bad in the story, but the plot and characterizations ruin it, for the most part. And the way the romance is handled.
Okay, tomorrow, a good fic, I promise this time. :D
