Yami no Matsuei Drabble, Non Serviam

[starzafandomblog]

Title: Non Serviam
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: No pairing
Genre: Dark/Angst
Warnings: VERY creepy and just... weird...
Summary: Tsuzuki has a secret...
Comments: Truly, do NOT ask me where the fuck this came from. Originally, this was going to be a Muraki/Tsuzuki fic, but I changed my mind at the very last minute. Drabble for hidden_wolf (418 words).


Ne, can you keep a secret?

Everyone around me seems to think that my smile is who I am. That I'm just an idiot who doesn't know anything. They seem to think that underneath; I'm okay and a nice person to be around.

But they don't know the truth. What I hide beneath the surface.

No one thinks that I notice the way they look at me. How they all love and adore me. But I notice. I notice everyday. I notice how amber eyes look at me, 'the good friend'. I notice how blue eyes look at me, 'the lost love'. I notice how green eyes look at me, still trying to figure how what I really am.

But no one can know what I am.

It's gotten harder to hide myself recently, especially when you're partnered with an empath. But I think of it as a challenge.

Besides that, I see the way he looks at me. It's nearly the same thing I see in blue eyes, only green eyes are hesitant. They still don't trust.

But they've started to.

Ne, can you keep a secret?

People say that you should serve the light and do well in life. That doing good will get you somewhere someday. You should always try to do "the good thing." By doing so, you would find happiness someday.

So I hid the darkness that I knew was within me. Better to pretend it didn't exist. Non-existence over acceptance.

But I found that the more good I did, the unhappier I became. No matter how hard I tried to do good, it somehow backfired on me and I ended up hurting people. Even if I didn't mean to, it would happen.

So I gave in...

Ne, can you keep a secret?

Did you know the love of darkness signifies the enlightened life? Embrace the darkness and everything becomes crystal clear. They say the darkness blinds, but so can the light...

Ever since that time, I've learned many different things. About people, how they work, how they think, how they feel...

People think to use me. Because I can command twelve Shikigami. Because of my hidden powers. Because I am one of the most powerful Shinigami. Because, because, because.

But I will not serve anyone. I will not be a slave to the light, heaven, and Enma. Nor will I be a slave to the demons, monsters, and hell.

Ne, can you keep a secret?

Good. Just keep this secret between us, okay?

Comments

[hidden-wolf.livejournal.com]

Yes that's the 'dark side' of Tsuzuki as I've picture it.You used the line and the title smoothly and cleverly.Liked the fact that you made Tsuzuki's true self being aware of his environment,aware of what he's doing and where he's going- and not just a pile of angst.The tone of his words are bitter and fit to what he feels and says.Great stuff.

I will not be a slave to the light, heaven, and Emma. Nor will I be a slave to the demons, monsters, and hell.

Love that.Fits to what the Demon said about Tsuzuki being forsaken by God,and what Enma saying that Tsuzuki tries to escape from him.And I think Tsuzuki does show that he does what he does not under one's command (even if he's supposed to),but what he sees right for him to do.

Makes me wish M.Yoko will make a side story of Tsuzuki after the one of Tatsumi...

[sasuko.livejournal.com]

Allow me to say I just love this piece. Honestly and absolutely. It's probably my favourite piece of yours, right after Illusions, and I suspect it's cause of the writing style. It so smooth that even without grasping the central idea, I can only go "Wow!". The use of the "Ne, can you keep a secret" really gets to me. It's used frequently, but it doesn't sound obtrusive. I can't explain why, though I wish I can.

The second reading gave me a better understanding. I sense a kind of desperation to be understood in there, kind of like a need to justify. It gives that sense of uncertainty and hesitation that reminds me of Tsuzuki somehow.

Like illusions, this piece manipulated my emotions and my thoughts. And I really like it because of that.

Thank you so much for sharing.