Heart to Heart, part 3 sniplit. X_x
Aug. 30th, 2003 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starzafandomblogYes, this is taking a LONG time, but I'm so stumped at this part... ~_~;;;; I'm going to bite something soon. >.>
Title: Heart to Heart, Part 3
Rating: PG-13 so far
Pairing: Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Genre: Flangst. :D
Summary: Hisoka finally confronts Tsuzuki, who seems to be hiding something.
Comments: I wrote the first 3/4ths of this part MONTHS ago, the last part was recent and... eh.... X_x;; There are a few more things I want to happen, and I still haven't decided if I want to write a lemon yet or not. X_x;; But to be honest, I think it's unavoidable at this point NOT to write at LEAST lime. :X
"Tsuzuki, we need to talk…"
An odd look, one of confusion, was the first response that Hisoka got from the older man. It lasted for a second before he smiled.
"Sure, just let me finish cutting this up and…"
"No. We really need to talk. As in right now."
As expected, apprehension came from the older man. "Is something wrong?"
A nod came from the young teenager. "Yes, and it needs to be talked about right now."
Tsuzuki put down the knife he was holding and looked at Hisoka. He noticed the young teen starting to fidget under his gaze. "O…okay," He answered and started roaming through the cabinet. "Just let me put this away, it'll only take a…"
"Tsuzuki, please…" Hisoka pleaded and tugged on the sleeve of Tsuzuki's shirt. This came as a shock to the older man. Normally, Hisoka was never persistent when he wanted to talk. When he needed to tell Tsuzuki something, he would wait patiently aside and then speak his mind.
However, this time…
"But the melon will spoil if I don't put it away!" Tsuzuki protested, which was part true, but part of him was extremely worried as well and Hisoka's persistence was beginning to frighten him.
A blush crossed pale cheeks. "I…I know! But… this is really important. I wouldn't interrupt otherwise."
All thoughts about the melon being spoiled were put aside after that was said. Because what Hisoka said was the simple truth. "A…all right." Leaving the melon on the counter, he followed Hisoka out to the living room and plopped himself down on the blue couch. Hisoka sat next to him, a few inches away from where Tsuzuki sat, a respectful distance, which Tsuzuki took note of.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I… I want to ask you a question."
"What?"
"Do you want anything?"
Tsuzuki cocked his head to one side. "What? I don't want…"
"Don't say you don't want anything!" Hisoka interrupted in a sharp tone, which made Tsuzuki jump from his seat. "I just… I know there's something you want to tell me or that there's something you want, but you're hiding it from me." Here, Hisoka looked directly in Tsuzuki's eyes. "Don't you trust me enough by now that I won't get mad and just walk away? I thought we got passed that barrier already."
"It's not that I don't trust you." Tsuzuki answered and looked away from Hisoka. "I just don't… think you're ready for…"
"Tsuzuki, look at me."
Tsuzuki turned his head to face Hisoka, but avoided looking into his eyes, deathly afraid of what would happen. He knew he was trending on a very thin line right now and what might be said could very easily snap the line he was walking across.
"Tsuzuki, please look at me…"
He couldn't deny looking into emerald eyes after hearing the pleading voice. Fear still wreaked havoc on himself, both inside and outside. His insides felt like jelly and he knew he was trembling just a little. And he knew that his shields were lower than they normally were, because Hisoka was looking at him with concern.
Then, something happened that instantly wiped away all fear that was built up on him.
Small arms made their way around Tsuzuki's neck and pulled him downwards. A gasp of surprise slipped by his lips at the sudden action, but he made no move to protest. He let himself relax as he felt a small hand ruffle through his hair and the other pulling him closer to the warm body he was currently using as a pillow. Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki wondered for a moment if he was just having another dream.
"No, this isn't a dream…"
Tsuzuki chuckled to himself. Of course, Hisoka would hear what he was thinking. He was an empath, but he did have some telepathic powers as well.
"I just want to know what's been on your mind." Hisoka explained. "I know you might not think I'm ready to hear certain things. I can understand your fears.
"But like I told you before, you won't ever know if I'm ready to deal with something or not till you tell me. You can't predict my every reaction to something. You can assume things, but assuming doesn't get us anywhere and assuming things can bring more harm than good sometimes."
And Tsuzuki knew exactly what Hisoka was referring to.
"So tell me what's wrong. What do you want, exactly?"
"I… It's just…" He ended up trailing off as he felt soft fingers combing through his hair. The gesture was small, but to Tsuzuki, it meant so much. He almost didn't hear what Hisoka said next.
"I'm here, Tsuzuki. I'm not going to run away. Just tell me exactly what you want."
"This."
"What?" The confusion was apparent in Hisoka's voice.
"What you're doing right now."
Tsuzuki felt his fears coming back in full force when he felt the hand suddenly stop its movements. "What do you mean?"
"I just want… more," he managed to choke out.
"More?"
Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki decided again to let his heart do the talking. "I know that we do a lot of things together. But… it doesn't seem like enough to me. There are times where I just… want to reach out and take hold of you and just sit like that for a while and nothing more. There are other times where I just… want more than what I have. And I just…" Tsuzuki took that moment to open his eyes and noticed the shocked expression on Hisoka's face. "Hisoka?"
The young teen didn't move for a minute. The moment of shock must have passed as Hisoka's face went back to unreadable. "Tell me more…"
"Are you sure you're…"
"I'm okay, Tsuzuki," Hisoka reassured him. "Go on. I want to hear more."
A small curt nod came from Tsuzuki before he continued. "You already know how I feel about you. I didn't think it would ever change, but it has."
"What are you trying to say?" Hisoka asked, hoping his voice didn't sound cracked. 'What am I getting all upset about? Am I… afraid?'
"It's changed from just wanting your company to wanting… something else." Here, a sheepish grin crossed the man's face. "It's so hard putting these things into words. But I want to be closer to you."
"Aren't we close to each other now?" Hisoka questioned.
"Well, of course we're close now. But…"
"But?"
"I just want to be more than… a best friend or a family to you. I want to show my love for you in… other ways."
"What sort of ways?"
A blush crossed Tsuzuki's cheeks here. How was he going to explain this to Hisoka without stuttering and sounding like a total fool?
Hisoka must have caught on though, as he nodded his head. "I thought so."
"Huh? Hey, were you just teasing me!?"
A small smile crossed the young teen's lips. "More like testing you." The smile faded as soon as it came. "I'm not as ignorant as you take me for, Tsuzuki. It's just… this is all so new to me and I don't want to do anything wrong…"
"You can't do anything wrong," Tsuzuki remarked and shifted from lying on his back to his stomach so he could look into Hisoka's face more directly. "I just don't want to rush you. I mean, I don't know how you are with… this kind of thing…"
"Physical intimacy." Tsuzuki winced at the bluntness of Hisoka's reply. "Tsuzuki, listen to me. I know what happened to me…" Here, Hisoka shuddered. Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but Hisoka shook his head, not wanting to be interrupted. "I accepted what happened to me back then. I know what happened to me back then isn't the same as what we have right now." His left eyebrow lifted. "And you're nothing like Muraki, so you might as well get that thought out of your head right now."
A chuckle escaped Tsuzuki's lips, but he stopped as Hisoka leaned forward. Hisoka's eyes were targeted onto his own, as if they were searching for something.
"I'm not going to let what Muraki did to me ruin any sort of chance of a physical relationship. I can't let what he did run my life. It doesn't make me hate him any less, but if I did that, then it would show that he still has power over me and…" Emerald eyes closed shut and Tsuzuki felt Hisoka quiver slightly.
"I know, Hisoka…" Tsuzuki answered, running his fingers through Hisoka's hair. "I just don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable…"
"I'll let you know if I feel uncomfortable. Besides that, there's an underlining difference between what happened to me back then and what's between us…" Hisoka brushed his fingers across Tsuzuki's cheeks and smiled. "What if I told you that I've been feeling the same way as you do?"
Hisoka almost laughed when he saw Tsuzuki's cheeks becoming red. "W…what do you mean?"
"Now you know how I feel when you do that to me," Hisoka answered bluntly. When Tsuzuki's eyes widened and gaped like a fish, he couldn't hold back his laughter. He expected Tsuzuki to pout and whine about being laughed at. But he was ill prepared for what he did say.
"Hisoka… I think that's the first time I've seen you laugh before…"
The mirth that was in the room started to die out. "Is it wrong to laugh now?"
"No, no, of course not!" Tsuzuki replied immediately and shook his head. "But it's just so strange to see you like this. Not in a bad way, of course! But… it's just that… I've never seen you so open before."
"I trust you. I know it's a short answer, but it's just the simple truth."
"I think I understand though," Tsuzuki answered with a smile, leaning in close to Hisoka, that their foreheads were touching. Hisoka sucked in a breath at the warm feelings coming from his partner. "I'm just… I'm so glad that you've come to trust me. It means a lot to me."
And Hisoka knew Tsuzuki's words ran true. For as long as Hisoka could remember, he always pushed Tsuzuki away, deathly afraid of being hurt and left alone. But what would have hurt him the most was being betrayed by Tsuzuki.
But coming to live with him in the past three months, he came to realize that Tsuzuki would never leave him. How could someone, who only wanted him to open up and cared for him deeply, betray him?
Tsuzuki was never a person who would intentionally hurt people or cause them harm. In fact, Tsuzuki was probably the only person Hisoka knew that cared for people on a deep level, putting their needs before his own.
Which he was doing right now. Holding back what he wanted to do, out of respect for Hisoka's past. Feeling deathly afraid that if he crossed a line that Hisoka wasn't ready for. Feeling that if he crossed that line, it would be the one thing that would make Hisoka leave him.
The same fear both shared inside themselves', with different reasons. Which neither shared with the other.
'It's so silly that both of us fear one of us leaving other. Both of us share the same fear, but with different reasons.'
But the fear needed to be conquered. And not just on Hisoka's part alone.
"You do trust me, don't you?" Hisoka asked.
"Of course I do!"
"Then… trust me enough to know that I'm not going to leave you. And that you can talk to me too and tell me what's on your mind. And… I'm certainly not going to leave you if you want something. You just need to tell me, instead of making me guess, because you never know if it's okay or not if you don't tell me.
"Promise me from now on, if you want something or want to do something, you'll tell me?"
A smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips. "I promise…" His eyes started to sparkle with innocence and curiosity of a child. "Then you don't mind if I…"
"No…"
And when Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's lips brush across his own, there were no more words needed then, that one simple action conveying more than what words could ever do.
Title: Heart to Heart, Part 3
Rating: PG-13 so far
Pairing: Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Genre: Flangst. :D
Summary: Hisoka finally confronts Tsuzuki, who seems to be hiding something.
Comments: I wrote the first 3/4ths of this part MONTHS ago, the last part was recent and... eh.... X_x;; There are a few more things I want to happen, and I still haven't decided if I want to write a lemon yet or not. X_x;; But to be honest, I think it's unavoidable at this point NOT to write at LEAST lime. :X
"Tsuzuki, we need to talk…"
An odd look, one of confusion, was the first response that Hisoka got from the older man. It lasted for a second before he smiled.
"Sure, just let me finish cutting this up and…"
"No. We really need to talk. As in right now."
As expected, apprehension came from the older man. "Is something wrong?"
A nod came from the young teenager. "Yes, and it needs to be talked about right now."
Tsuzuki put down the knife he was holding and looked at Hisoka. He noticed the young teen starting to fidget under his gaze. "O…okay," He answered and started roaming through the cabinet. "Just let me put this away, it'll only take a…"
"Tsuzuki, please…" Hisoka pleaded and tugged on the sleeve of Tsuzuki's shirt. This came as a shock to the older man. Normally, Hisoka was never persistent when he wanted to talk. When he needed to tell Tsuzuki something, he would wait patiently aside and then speak his mind.
However, this time…
"But the melon will spoil if I don't put it away!" Tsuzuki protested, which was part true, but part of him was extremely worried as well and Hisoka's persistence was beginning to frighten him.
A blush crossed pale cheeks. "I…I know! But… this is really important. I wouldn't interrupt otherwise."
All thoughts about the melon being spoiled were put aside after that was said. Because what Hisoka said was the simple truth. "A…all right." Leaving the melon on the counter, he followed Hisoka out to the living room and plopped himself down on the blue couch. Hisoka sat next to him, a few inches away from where Tsuzuki sat, a respectful distance, which Tsuzuki took note of.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I… I want to ask you a question."
"What?"
"Do you want anything?"
Tsuzuki cocked his head to one side. "What? I don't want…"
"Don't say you don't want anything!" Hisoka interrupted in a sharp tone, which made Tsuzuki jump from his seat. "I just… I know there's something you want to tell me or that there's something you want, but you're hiding it from me." Here, Hisoka looked directly in Tsuzuki's eyes. "Don't you trust me enough by now that I won't get mad and just walk away? I thought we got passed that barrier already."
"It's not that I don't trust you." Tsuzuki answered and looked away from Hisoka. "I just don't… think you're ready for…"
"Tsuzuki, look at me."
Tsuzuki turned his head to face Hisoka, but avoided looking into his eyes, deathly afraid of what would happen. He knew he was trending on a very thin line right now and what might be said could very easily snap the line he was walking across.
"Tsuzuki, please look at me…"
He couldn't deny looking into emerald eyes after hearing the pleading voice. Fear still wreaked havoc on himself, both inside and outside. His insides felt like jelly and he knew he was trembling just a little. And he knew that his shields were lower than they normally were, because Hisoka was looking at him with concern.
Then, something happened that instantly wiped away all fear that was built up on him.
Small arms made their way around Tsuzuki's neck and pulled him downwards. A gasp of surprise slipped by his lips at the sudden action, but he made no move to protest. He let himself relax as he felt a small hand ruffle through his hair and the other pulling him closer to the warm body he was currently using as a pillow. Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki wondered for a moment if he was just having another dream.
"No, this isn't a dream…"
Tsuzuki chuckled to himself. Of course, Hisoka would hear what he was thinking. He was an empath, but he did have some telepathic powers as well.
"I just want to know what's been on your mind." Hisoka explained. "I know you might not think I'm ready to hear certain things. I can understand your fears.
"But like I told you before, you won't ever know if I'm ready to deal with something or not till you tell me. You can't predict my every reaction to something. You can assume things, but assuming doesn't get us anywhere and assuming things can bring more harm than good sometimes."
And Tsuzuki knew exactly what Hisoka was referring to.
"So tell me what's wrong. What do you want, exactly?"
"I… It's just…" He ended up trailing off as he felt soft fingers combing through his hair. The gesture was small, but to Tsuzuki, it meant so much. He almost didn't hear what Hisoka said next.
"I'm here, Tsuzuki. I'm not going to run away. Just tell me exactly what you want."
"This."
"What?" The confusion was apparent in Hisoka's voice.
"What you're doing right now."
Tsuzuki felt his fears coming back in full force when he felt the hand suddenly stop its movements. "What do you mean?"
"I just want… more," he managed to choke out.
"More?"
Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki decided again to let his heart do the talking. "I know that we do a lot of things together. But… it doesn't seem like enough to me. There are times where I just… want to reach out and take hold of you and just sit like that for a while and nothing more. There are other times where I just… want more than what I have. And I just…" Tsuzuki took that moment to open his eyes and noticed the shocked expression on Hisoka's face. "Hisoka?"
The young teen didn't move for a minute. The moment of shock must have passed as Hisoka's face went back to unreadable. "Tell me more…"
"Are you sure you're…"
"I'm okay, Tsuzuki," Hisoka reassured him. "Go on. I want to hear more."
A small curt nod came from Tsuzuki before he continued. "You already know how I feel about you. I didn't think it would ever change, but it has."
"What are you trying to say?" Hisoka asked, hoping his voice didn't sound cracked. 'What am I getting all upset about? Am I… afraid?'
"It's changed from just wanting your company to wanting… something else." Here, a sheepish grin crossed the man's face. "It's so hard putting these things into words. But I want to be closer to you."
"Aren't we close to each other now?" Hisoka questioned.
"Well, of course we're close now. But…"
"But?"
"I just want to be more than… a best friend or a family to you. I want to show my love for you in… other ways."
"What sort of ways?"
A blush crossed Tsuzuki's cheeks here. How was he going to explain this to Hisoka without stuttering and sounding like a total fool?
Hisoka must have caught on though, as he nodded his head. "I thought so."
"Huh? Hey, were you just teasing me!?"
A small smile crossed the young teen's lips. "More like testing you." The smile faded as soon as it came. "I'm not as ignorant as you take me for, Tsuzuki. It's just… this is all so new to me and I don't want to do anything wrong…"
"You can't do anything wrong," Tsuzuki remarked and shifted from lying on his back to his stomach so he could look into Hisoka's face more directly. "I just don't want to rush you. I mean, I don't know how you are with… this kind of thing…"
"Physical intimacy." Tsuzuki winced at the bluntness of Hisoka's reply. "Tsuzuki, listen to me. I know what happened to me…" Here, Hisoka shuddered. Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but Hisoka shook his head, not wanting to be interrupted. "I accepted what happened to me back then. I know what happened to me back then isn't the same as what we have right now." His left eyebrow lifted. "And you're nothing like Muraki, so you might as well get that thought out of your head right now."
A chuckle escaped Tsuzuki's lips, but he stopped as Hisoka leaned forward. Hisoka's eyes were targeted onto his own, as if they were searching for something.
"I'm not going to let what Muraki did to me ruin any sort of chance of a physical relationship. I can't let what he did run my life. It doesn't make me hate him any less, but if I did that, then it would show that he still has power over me and…" Emerald eyes closed shut and Tsuzuki felt Hisoka quiver slightly.
"I know, Hisoka…" Tsuzuki answered, running his fingers through Hisoka's hair. "I just don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable…"
"I'll let you know if I feel uncomfortable. Besides that, there's an underlining difference between what happened to me back then and what's between us…" Hisoka brushed his fingers across Tsuzuki's cheeks and smiled. "What if I told you that I've been feeling the same way as you do?"
Hisoka almost laughed when he saw Tsuzuki's cheeks becoming red. "W…what do you mean?"
"Now you know how I feel when you do that to me," Hisoka answered bluntly. When Tsuzuki's eyes widened and gaped like a fish, he couldn't hold back his laughter. He expected Tsuzuki to pout and whine about being laughed at. But he was ill prepared for what he did say.
"Hisoka… I think that's the first time I've seen you laugh before…"
The mirth that was in the room started to die out. "Is it wrong to laugh now?"
"No, no, of course not!" Tsuzuki replied immediately and shook his head. "But it's just so strange to see you like this. Not in a bad way, of course! But… it's just that… I've never seen you so open before."
"I trust you. I know it's a short answer, but it's just the simple truth."
"I think I understand though," Tsuzuki answered with a smile, leaning in close to Hisoka, that their foreheads were touching. Hisoka sucked in a breath at the warm feelings coming from his partner. "I'm just… I'm so glad that you've come to trust me. It means a lot to me."
And Hisoka knew Tsuzuki's words ran true. For as long as Hisoka could remember, he always pushed Tsuzuki away, deathly afraid of being hurt and left alone. But what would have hurt him the most was being betrayed by Tsuzuki.
But coming to live with him in the past three months, he came to realize that Tsuzuki would never leave him. How could someone, who only wanted him to open up and cared for him deeply, betray him?
Tsuzuki was never a person who would intentionally hurt people or cause them harm. In fact, Tsuzuki was probably the only person Hisoka knew that cared for people on a deep level, putting their needs before his own.
Which he was doing right now. Holding back what he wanted to do, out of respect for Hisoka's past. Feeling deathly afraid that if he crossed a line that Hisoka wasn't ready for. Feeling that if he crossed that line, it would be the one thing that would make Hisoka leave him.
The same fear both shared inside themselves', with different reasons. Which neither shared with the other.
'It's so silly that both of us fear one of us leaving other. Both of us share the same fear, but with different reasons.'
But the fear needed to be conquered. And not just on Hisoka's part alone.
"You do trust me, don't you?" Hisoka asked.
"Of course I do!"
"Then… trust me enough to know that I'm not going to leave you. And that you can talk to me too and tell me what's on your mind. And… I'm certainly not going to leave you if you want something. You just need to tell me, instead of making me guess, because you never know if it's okay or not if you don't tell me.
"Promise me from now on, if you want something or want to do something, you'll tell me?"
A smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips. "I promise…" His eyes started to sparkle with innocence and curiosity of a child. "Then you don't mind if I…"
"No…"
And when Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's lips brush across his own, there were no more words needed then, that one simple action conveying more than what words could ever do.
