Original story
Aug. 17th, 2003 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starzafandomblogTitle: Don't Turn Away
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Original pairing, male/female
Genre: Angst/romance, character death
Summary: What happens when you get rejected by the love of your life? What do you do?
Comments: Dorkie summary, yeah. This is a story I wrote back in 1999, so it's OLD. I wrote it and showed it to my ex and he sort of got freaked out by it. X_x;; I didn't mean to freak him out either, but I guess it kinda hit close to home with him, especially when I used 'Starza' as the female. >.>
Eh, only posting this, as to see how different my style is from back then and the world needs more original fics.
Originally, this fic had 3 different endings. There was a 'normal tame' ending, the 'suicide' ending and the ending where the guy plays 'hero' and saves his girl at the last moment. I put up the 'better' ending in my eyes.
The moon shone brightly that night. Stars were beginning to form in the sky. It was one of those clear nights that were peaceful and tranquil.
But not for Starza.
She was far from peace. Her emotions have been rolling wildly inside of her. She fingered the end of her robe and remembered what happened only a short while ago…
-
Starza, an 18-year-old priestess, stood. A young man, just a little older than her, stood with his back turned to Starza. Looks don't matter in this case; in fact, they didn't care what they looked like. They shared many things together, her and the man before her. In just a short time, they've become close friends. But, something was unbalanced in their relationship. Their emotions now would change at any sudden minute and they would feel things they never felt before. The young man was now fed up with it.
"Why are you leaving?" Starza asked, no more than a whisper.
The young man, still his back turned, smiled an ironic smile. "Starza, you know why I'm leaving. I can't take this anymore."
"Why are you running away from it?" She asked him, taking a step forward. "Why do you reject others like that?"
"Starza, as much as you know about me, you don't know the whole me. I'm… different," He turned around to face her and looked into her watery eyes. "I'm not like 'normal' people."
"Neither am I," She answered. "We drew closer knowing that."
"I know. But, I can't stand this! I'm afraid I can't fiddle with my emotions any longer. It's better that you forget about me…"
"No!" She answered and couldn't help let a tear escape her eye. "No matter what you say, I could never forget you!"
"Soon, I will be a forgotten memory to you. You will find someone out there, I know. But, for now…"
"Don't talk like that! What are you afraid of? Of me hurting you? Or maybe you're afraid of being happy…"
"Stop, Starza. I know we shouldn't be together anymore."
"No you don't," She said and turned her head away from him. "You cut yourself off from others, fearing of obtaining what you want. You let others run your life for you. Running away from reality will kill you emotionally."
"Maybe. But, I can't drag you down with me. I couldn't stand of hurting you."
"I don't care!" She yelled, and turned her head, tears flowing like a waterfall down her cheeks. "I'd rather be with you, even if it meant getting hurt. You can't face life's problems alone."
She stepped up to him. Her eyes were red, but no tears fell now. "That's why I can help you. Humans need to rely on each other to survive. Animals do that. I want to help, to reach out to you, but you won't let me. It's like I'm running through mist and hearing your voice and never being able to find you."
He shook his head. "You don't know me very well."
"Then tell me about you. Show me your true self."
"I can't. What if you are repulsed by me?"
"Never would I be. I should say that you don't know me very well either."
He shook his head. "I know you well enough to know you are a kind person."
She laughed, an ironic laugh. "Then I can say you don't know me well. But, I want to show you. But you run away from me…"
The man shook his head. "I'm leaving now," he said and started to turn, but she grabbed his arm.
"Never! I will follow you, no matter what! You can run and try to hide, but I will find you!"
"Starza…"
"Even if I get hurt, I'll follow you. Even if I must sacrifice every thing…"
"Don't talk such nonsense! I'm only one person. I don't mean much to the world and I'm so insignificant in this world."
"Maybe to the world, but not to me. You may not change the world, or even save it, but you could effect one person's life. Anyway. If you stay, you can bring great happiness to me, I know. But, if you run away and reject me, your one true friend…"
He tried to say something, but she cut him off. "I'm not done. You will hurt me in the greatest way possible if you run from me. I don't think I would ever make friends again and maybe I will be emotionally ruined for life. You think I am kind and warm? I'm not. Only to you."
The man was left speechless. He couldn't think of anything to say to her. His mind became a total blank. She continued.
"Yes. I would neither listen to a person's ramblings nor would I even truly care. Ironic that I'm a priestess," She shook her head and went on. "I do that only to you. I do and say many things to you that I do to no one else. You say I'm a good friend, but I'm the selfish one. I want you as a friend too badly."
"Why do you say such things?"
"Because, it's my true self. I'm the one who should run away. I always wanted to, but I knew that there would be someone out there for me. My perfect match. I kept believing in it. Now that I found him, he turns me away. I feel like I'm drowning and can't get air." She turned to face him. "That's why I'll keep hanging on, no matter what. Shut me out, if you fear of hurting me. You can do that and think you're not hurting me, but you will."
"I'm going now, Starza."
"And I'll keep on following you, even if you turn me away. I'll always be there for you, even if it hurts me."
The young man lifted his hand and wiped the tears from Starza's cheek. He looked deep into her eyes. They reflected him and her sadness. He turned and walked away.
-
She returned to the present. Starza sat there, alone, not far from where the young man camped. She searched all night for him, following his trail. She was alert in her senses, even though she was tired and sleepy. She forced herself awake. The young man looked over in her direction. She knew he was watching her. He came over to her.
"How long are you going to follow me?" He asked.
"Till the end of the world, if I must."
"I see," was all he answered. He sighed. Then his face became full of rage. "Look. I don't want you around, ok? You are driving me crazy and I don't want you around me anymore! Stay out of my life!" and he turned away from her.
Starza was speechless. She cried. Even when he left the camp, she cried more than ever. Then she made a decision. She went to follow him again, but she left a note instead of talking to him. At first, the man was going to trash it, but read it anyways.
My dear Ryu,
You turn me away and say such cruel things. I know you very well. You claim all about knowing myself and yourself, but you deny the most important emotion that humans never want to accept. Love. That's right. I love you. It took me a lot of courage to say that. I thought you were my soul-mate, my perfect match. But, you turn me away, saying mean things about yourself. You don't love yourself any deny yourself truw happiness. Well, I won't bother you anymore. You will find out, at dawn tomarrow. You will not like my answer to your denials, but it's the path I chose and I believe in it.
Love always,
Starza
He couldn't believe Starza would go so far as that. He didn't know what her answer would be. He waited till dawn. When it finally came, he stepped out of his tent. Her saw Starza, lying not too far away from his camp. Her hair was spread out on the ground and her hands were folded on her breast. Another note was in between her hands. It read like this:
Ryu,
You tell me to forget who you are and return to a normal life again. You tell me you'll be a forgotten memory on my part. I don't believe that. I never will. Even if we only knew each other for a short time, you affected my life in more ways than you can know. I told you I love you, I still do and I always will. You are emotionally stronger than I am. Even with your emotions flying around you, you still remain to yourself.
But, I'm not like that. I never was. I can't deal with the pain, being away from you. You may think it's a silly crush and you say that'd I'm being silly, but it's not. This is a feeling I thought I would never feel in my life. I tried to hang on to you, but you threw down the rope that binds us together.
I wanted to say that. I was always afraid to tell you things about my past. I was also afraid to tell you my true feelings that I kept buried for so long. I kept hinting about it while we talked. Now you know. But, by the time you read this note, I had already cast a death spell on myself. Yes Ryu, I knew a little black magic and the death spell was one I knew. If I can't live with you in this world, I won't live at all. My last request of you is to start loving yourself. Stop being everyone's tool and doing what they want you to do. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and most importantly, live in happiness.
I never forget you. I'll always love you, even if you turn evil. Even if you destroyed the world and hurt everyone in the path. Even if you destroyed me yourself, you could never destroy my love for you. Farewell, my faithful knight...
Love always,
Starza
The young man known as Ryu stared at the letter. He went down and felt Starza's hands. They were cold as ice. He couldn't believe it, he thought this was just a nightmare and wanted to wake up. But, he knew it was true. He truely affected her life, but he took the wrong path for her. He wondered if he just accepted her again, would this have eventually happened?
He carried her body near a river. He found a boat and placed her in it. He stroked her head and kissed her on the lips. Then he pushed the boat out and watched her float on water until he could see her no more.
"Farewell, my princess," he whispered, and turned back to camp, knowing deep in his heart her words rang true. He could only do one thing for her now.
Honor her dying request.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Original pairing, male/female
Genre: Angst/romance, character death
Summary: What happens when you get rejected by the love of your life? What do you do?
Comments: Dorkie summary, yeah. This is a story I wrote back in 1999, so it's OLD. I wrote it and showed it to my ex and he sort of got freaked out by it. X_x;; I didn't mean to freak him out either, but I guess it kinda hit close to home with him, especially when I used 'Starza' as the female. >.>
Eh, only posting this, as to see how different my style is from back then and the world needs more original fics.
Originally, this fic had 3 different endings. There was a 'normal tame' ending, the 'suicide' ending and the ending where the guy plays 'hero' and saves his girl at the last moment. I put up the 'better' ending in my eyes.
The moon shone brightly that night. Stars were beginning to form in the sky. It was one of those clear nights that were peaceful and tranquil.
But not for Starza.
She was far from peace. Her emotions have been rolling wildly inside of her. She fingered the end of her robe and remembered what happened only a short while ago…
-
Starza, an 18-year-old priestess, stood. A young man, just a little older than her, stood with his back turned to Starza. Looks don't matter in this case; in fact, they didn't care what they looked like. They shared many things together, her and the man before her. In just a short time, they've become close friends. But, something was unbalanced in their relationship. Their emotions now would change at any sudden minute and they would feel things they never felt before. The young man was now fed up with it.
"Why are you leaving?" Starza asked, no more than a whisper.
The young man, still his back turned, smiled an ironic smile. "Starza, you know why I'm leaving. I can't take this anymore."
"Why are you running away from it?" She asked him, taking a step forward. "Why do you reject others like that?"
"Starza, as much as you know about me, you don't know the whole me. I'm… different," He turned around to face her and looked into her watery eyes. "I'm not like 'normal' people."
"Neither am I," She answered. "We drew closer knowing that."
"I know. But, I can't stand this! I'm afraid I can't fiddle with my emotions any longer. It's better that you forget about me…"
"No!" She answered and couldn't help let a tear escape her eye. "No matter what you say, I could never forget you!"
"Soon, I will be a forgotten memory to you. You will find someone out there, I know. But, for now…"
"Don't talk like that! What are you afraid of? Of me hurting you? Or maybe you're afraid of being happy…"
"Stop, Starza. I know we shouldn't be together anymore."
"No you don't," She said and turned her head away from him. "You cut yourself off from others, fearing of obtaining what you want. You let others run your life for you. Running away from reality will kill you emotionally."
"Maybe. But, I can't drag you down with me. I couldn't stand of hurting you."
"I don't care!" She yelled, and turned her head, tears flowing like a waterfall down her cheeks. "I'd rather be with you, even if it meant getting hurt. You can't face life's problems alone."
She stepped up to him. Her eyes were red, but no tears fell now. "That's why I can help you. Humans need to rely on each other to survive. Animals do that. I want to help, to reach out to you, but you won't let me. It's like I'm running through mist and hearing your voice and never being able to find you."
He shook his head. "You don't know me very well."
"Then tell me about you. Show me your true self."
"I can't. What if you are repulsed by me?"
"Never would I be. I should say that you don't know me very well either."
He shook his head. "I know you well enough to know you are a kind person."
She laughed, an ironic laugh. "Then I can say you don't know me well. But, I want to show you. But you run away from me…"
The man shook his head. "I'm leaving now," he said and started to turn, but she grabbed his arm.
"Never! I will follow you, no matter what! You can run and try to hide, but I will find you!"
"Starza…"
"Even if I get hurt, I'll follow you. Even if I must sacrifice every thing…"
"Don't talk such nonsense! I'm only one person. I don't mean much to the world and I'm so insignificant in this world."
"Maybe to the world, but not to me. You may not change the world, or even save it, but you could effect one person's life. Anyway. If you stay, you can bring great happiness to me, I know. But, if you run away and reject me, your one true friend…"
He tried to say something, but she cut him off. "I'm not done. You will hurt me in the greatest way possible if you run from me. I don't think I would ever make friends again and maybe I will be emotionally ruined for life. You think I am kind and warm? I'm not. Only to you."
The man was left speechless. He couldn't think of anything to say to her. His mind became a total blank. She continued.
"Yes. I would neither listen to a person's ramblings nor would I even truly care. Ironic that I'm a priestess," She shook her head and went on. "I do that only to you. I do and say many things to you that I do to no one else. You say I'm a good friend, but I'm the selfish one. I want you as a friend too badly."
"Why do you say such things?"
"Because, it's my true self. I'm the one who should run away. I always wanted to, but I knew that there would be someone out there for me. My perfect match. I kept believing in it. Now that I found him, he turns me away. I feel like I'm drowning and can't get air." She turned to face him. "That's why I'll keep hanging on, no matter what. Shut me out, if you fear of hurting me. You can do that and think you're not hurting me, but you will."
"I'm going now, Starza."
"And I'll keep on following you, even if you turn me away. I'll always be there for you, even if it hurts me."
The young man lifted his hand and wiped the tears from Starza's cheek. He looked deep into her eyes. They reflected him and her sadness. He turned and walked away.
-
She returned to the present. Starza sat there, alone, not far from where the young man camped. She searched all night for him, following his trail. She was alert in her senses, even though she was tired and sleepy. She forced herself awake. The young man looked over in her direction. She knew he was watching her. He came over to her.
"How long are you going to follow me?" He asked.
"Till the end of the world, if I must."
"I see," was all he answered. He sighed. Then his face became full of rage. "Look. I don't want you around, ok? You are driving me crazy and I don't want you around me anymore! Stay out of my life!" and he turned away from her.
Starza was speechless. She cried. Even when he left the camp, she cried more than ever. Then she made a decision. She went to follow him again, but she left a note instead of talking to him. At first, the man was going to trash it, but read it anyways.
My dear Ryu,
You turn me away and say such cruel things. I know you very well. You claim all about knowing myself and yourself, but you deny the most important emotion that humans never want to accept. Love. That's right. I love you. It took me a lot of courage to say that. I thought you were my soul-mate, my perfect match. But, you turn me away, saying mean things about yourself. You don't love yourself any deny yourself truw happiness. Well, I won't bother you anymore. You will find out, at dawn tomarrow. You will not like my answer to your denials, but it's the path I chose and I believe in it.
Love always,
Starza
He couldn't believe Starza would go so far as that. He didn't know what her answer would be. He waited till dawn. When it finally came, he stepped out of his tent. Her saw Starza, lying not too far away from his camp. Her hair was spread out on the ground and her hands were folded on her breast. Another note was in between her hands. It read like this:
Ryu,
You tell me to forget who you are and return to a normal life again. You tell me you'll be a forgotten memory on my part. I don't believe that. I never will. Even if we only knew each other for a short time, you affected my life in more ways than you can know. I told you I love you, I still do and I always will. You are emotionally stronger than I am. Even with your emotions flying around you, you still remain to yourself.
But, I'm not like that. I never was. I can't deal with the pain, being away from you. You may think it's a silly crush and you say that'd I'm being silly, but it's not. This is a feeling I thought I would never feel in my life. I tried to hang on to you, but you threw down the rope that binds us together.
I wanted to say that. I was always afraid to tell you things about my past. I was also afraid to tell you my true feelings that I kept buried for so long. I kept hinting about it while we talked. Now you know. But, by the time you read this note, I had already cast a death spell on myself. Yes Ryu, I knew a little black magic and the death spell was one I knew. If I can't live with you in this world, I won't live at all. My last request of you is to start loving yourself. Stop being everyone's tool and doing what they want you to do. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and most importantly, live in happiness.
I never forget you. I'll always love you, even if you turn evil. Even if you destroyed the world and hurt everyone in the path. Even if you destroyed me yourself, you could never destroy my love for you. Farewell, my faithful knight...
Love always,
Starza
The young man known as Ryu stared at the letter. He went down and felt Starza's hands. They were cold as ice. He couldn't believe it, he thought this was just a nightmare and wanted to wake up. But, he knew it was true. He truely affected her life, but he took the wrong path for her. He wondered if he just accepted her again, would this have eventually happened?
He carried her body near a river. He found a boat and placed her in it. He stroked her head and kissed her on the lips. Then he pushed the boat out and watched her float on water until he could see her no more.
"Farewell, my princess," he whispered, and turned back to camp, knowing deep in his heart her words rang true. He could only do one thing for her now.
Honor her dying request.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-18 12:07 am (UTC)I like tragic romantic stuff!
no subject
Date: 2003-08-18 08:45 am (UTC)This one, though, is the better ending to me. So I choose this one from the other two. >:D